replying on It's all over now that you're writing so by fevriere
20 Jul 2004, 12:38 AM
Like rhyming couplets? I thought paring was some kind of culinary term.
on Veins of spilt wine. by SupremeDreamer
18 Jul 2004, 1:56 PM
Cheer up love. "Rogue of the gallows" made me giggle a bit. Otherwise, que tu es formidable. (How you are formidable).
on The Beautiful Chase by smlink84
16 Jul 2004, 1:27 AM
No love for this verse.
on The Nude by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
16 Jul 2004, 1:26 AM
I dunno, it was a bit stupid but could be brilliant if you altered the last stanza.
I spose.
I spose.
replying on Tweenager, they're called now. by fevriere
11 Jul 2004, 2:32 AM
(Inarticulately): woo!
replying on Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere
9 Jul 2004, 2:10 PM
Yes, I suppose so.
replying on Mm, Shoes... ? by fevriere
9 Jul 2004, 2:09 PM
O,
bugger off.
bugger off.
replying on Translation by Dovina
7 Jul 2004, 10:23 AM
Not to be picky, but don't you think that the clunk of speech really suits that couplet? To me it's most frank and true.
on Sonnet on an Operating Table by Sasha
4 Jul 2004, 2:06 AM
Loved things like ": a knife", but please uncensor the beeps, as it were, it's like being at a clown party to be punctuated like this.
replying on War of kites and fireflies by fevriere
4 Jul 2004, 2:02 AM
I appreciated all of that. Note to self, stop going schizo on singular words and trying to accessorise them with asterisks in the middle of a perfectly good poem.
replying on New lover confirms poetic divorce by fevriere
11 Jun 2004, 3:47 AM
Yes, yes!
on Desire by Chasz Misleading
9 Jun 2004, 1:42 PM
Naked and Bloody. Really? Sucks to be You, then, I spose.
on Starting Over by justjay
7 May 2004, 1:36 AM
Sadly, I kinda like it. But have you ever seen an abyss?
on this old man (edit) by Bill Z Bub
7 May 2004, 1:35 AM
The first stanza is too much - I daren't say over-written - but the second has a ring to it.
on The Hell With Growing Up by wilco
7 Apr 2004, 7:40 AM
Personally, I dislike cancer being used as a metaphor, especially for something like time because to me, the two things are entirely different. But this is hardly a constructive criticism.
The final line isn't poetic but the sentiment could go very far and the couplet structure is probably the best form for it. Excellent start but as yet I consider it a bit of a rough gem.
The final line isn't poetic but the sentiment could go very far and the couplet structure is probably the best form for it. Excellent start but as yet I consider it a bit of a rough gem.
Space? You meant, altering the actual form "space"? Space-bar "space"?
I have to confess I agree with those corrections. Bothersome not being able to read one's own work like that.
I think 'crush' and 'worth' don't have the same juxtaposition as 'break'/'life'.
I have to confess I agree with those corrections. Bothersome not being able to read one's own work like that.
I think 'crush' and 'worth' don't have the same juxtaposition as 'break'/'life'.
on Disgusting Stickmen by Bobjim
25 Mar 2004, 9:27 AM
This is concrete poetry.
replying on Thank-you, outside by fevriere
18 Mar 2004, 9:57 AM
I like milliard. I hope it exists sensibly, unlike the background of the poem. Thanks for that, I hadn't noticed how surfaceful it was.