Re: In the berth by INTRANSIT	22-Oct-04/4:51 PM
I love it.
Re: a comment on Zipmark'd by fevriere	22-Oct-04/4:37 PM
Allclothed is a compound adjective. I like it. It stays. Slippery slips off the end of the line. I thought you learnt about enjambement the other day? Wasn't it you who was utilisting it so prettily the other day?
Re: Dino Campana: Autumn Garden by Sasha	21-Oct-04/5:43 AM
Al giardino spettrale al lauro muto De le verdi ghirlande A la terra autunnale Un ultimo saluto! A l'aride pendici Aspre arrossate nell'estremo sole Confusa di rumori Rauchi grida la lontana vita: Grida al morente sole Che insanguina le aiole. S'intende una fanfara Che straziante sale: il fiume spare Ne le arene dorate: nel silenzio Stanno le bianche statue a capo i ponti Volte: e le cose già non sono più. E dal fondo silenzio come un coro Tenero e grandioso Sorge ed anela in alto al mio balcone: E in aroma d'alloro, In aroma d'alloro acre languente, Tra le statue immortali nel tramonto Ella m'appar, presente.
Re: a comment on Zipmark'd by fevriere	21-Oct-04/5:40 AM
I've changed it a little so that the structure's some less pretentious, but I wanted to keep it disjointed. So ner, basically.
Re: Forbidden Desires by blackthoughtz1	21-Oct-04/5:33 AM
This is a Pimple.
Re: a comment on Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom	21-Oct-04/5:32 AM
Well, "tokin'" makes a lot more sense. But it rightly rhymes with both "smokin'" and "chokin'", so I'm well satisfied.
Re: a comment on Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom	21-Oct-04/5:01 AM
I never heard anyone use the word token like that before. I'm glad you feel you can justify everything that's in there - that's the mark of a satisfied poet. You're lucky.
Re: Coin Operated Binoculars by T. Jonathron Remp	17-Oct-04/10:59 AM
Coul you not make this a poem just by cutting the lines at readable places? I loved it. The "he/him/her" bit's a little confusing but I like that. I really like it all.
Re: Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom	17-Oct-04/10:58 AM
I don't think the repetition works, the speed of light line annoys me. And drop "token" for something else. That line could be the real hook but I feel the whole thing's not quick as catchy as you want it to be. As it could be.
Re: To Leave a Trace by Dovina	17-Oct-04/10:53 AM
I like "honorably unread", I think that's a very strong line.
Re: a comment on Dry Beast Night by fevriere	15-Oct-04/2:17 AM
Ta.
Re: a comment on Overheard in a crypt: by fevriere	16-Sep-04/12:22 PM
Kylie and jason, actually.
Re: Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco	15-Sep-04/9:18 AM
Lyrically, call Ryan Adams. But poetically, I think it's lacking. Maybe I just subconsciously reject the use of the word "baby" in its slang context in a work of poesy. Hm.
Re: Perversions by razorgrin	15-Sep-04/9:13 AM
Ok, so those are rather amusing.
Re: Coldfront by klosterfobik	15-Sep-04/9:09 AM
I love it, and yet I hate the apostrophised written-accent "x-in'".
Re: Lord Byron Gave Mary Her Shelly by horus8	15-Sep-04/9:08 AM
You missed question marks (lines 4& 8). Correct grammar makes you look educated. I liked "under-wing", and that whole stanza.. But what does this mean; "But Mary made demons before a wife Her need was of faith, soon to be law"?
Re: ending by Eline	14-Sep-04/10:54 AM
Succinct. The kind of poem that sticks in heads. Yum.
Re: Redemption by leigh137	14-Sep-04/10:53 AM
I think wrong/right should be right/wrong so that it doesn't rhyme. I like how chatty it is. :)
Re: the Heart is not unmade by broke by daggatolar	30-Aug-04/3:12 AM
I love it, but I think you could punctuate here: "no arm's/no arms' way out" somewhere after "is Art a way" and "root on the spot".
Re: a comment on It's really hard to know what to speak to him. by fevriere	30-Aug-04/2:43 AM
You know, I wasn't so sure about it myself. It's traditional cheese.