on In the berth by INTRANSIT
22 Oct 2004, 4:51 PM
I love it.
on Dino Campana: Autumn Garden by Sasha
21 Oct 2004, 5:43 AM
Al giardino spettrale al lauro muto
De le verdi ghirlande
A la terra autunnale
Un ultimo saluto!
A l'aride pendici
Aspre arrossate nell'estremo sole
Confusa di rumori
Rauchi grida la lontana vita:
Grida al morente sole
Che insanguina le aiole.
S'intende una fanfara
Che straziante sale: il fiume spare
Ne le arene dorate: nel silenzio
Stanno le bianche statue a capo i ponti
Volte: e le cose già non sono più.
E dal fondo silenzio come un coro
Tenero e grandioso
Sorge ed anela in alto al mio balcone:
E in aroma d'alloro,
In aroma d'alloro acre languente,
Tra le statue immortali nel tramonto
Ella m'appar, presente.
De le verdi ghirlande
A la terra autunnale
Un ultimo saluto!
A l'aride pendici
Aspre arrossate nell'estremo sole
Confusa di rumori
Rauchi grida la lontana vita:
Grida al morente sole
Che insanguina le aiole.
S'intende una fanfara
Che straziante sale: il fiume spare
Ne le arene dorate: nel silenzio
Stanno le bianche statue a capo i ponti
Volte: e le cose già non sono più.
E dal fondo silenzio come un coro
Tenero e grandioso
Sorge ed anela in alto al mio balcone:
E in aroma d'alloro,
In aroma d'alloro acre languente,
Tra le statue immortali nel tramonto
Ella m'appar, presente.
on Forbidden Desires by blackthoughtz1
21 Oct 2004, 5:33 AM
This is a Pimple.
replying on Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom
21 Oct 2004, 5:32 AM
Well, "tokin'" makes a lot more sense. But it rightly rhymes with both "smokin'" and "chokin'", so I'm well satisfied.
replying on Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom
21 Oct 2004, 5:01 AM
I never heard anyone use the word token like that before. I'm glad you feel you can justify everything that's in there - that's the mark of a satisfied poet. You're lucky.
on Coin Operated Binoculars by T. Jonathron Remp
17 Oct 2004, 10:59 AM
Coul you not make this a poem just by cutting the lines at readable places? I loved it. The "he/him/her" bit's a little confusing but I like that. I really like it all.
on Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom
17 Oct 2004, 10:58 AM
I don't think the repetition works, the speed of light line annoys me. And drop "token" for something else. That line could be the real hook but I feel the whole thing's not quick as catchy as you want it to be. As it could be.
on To Leave a Trace by Dovina
17 Oct 2004, 10:53 AM
I like "honorably unread", I think that's a very strong line.
replying on Dry Beast Night by fevriere
15 Oct 2004, 2:17 AM
Ta.
replying on Overheard in a crypt: by fevriere
16 Sep 2004, 12:22 PM
Kylie and jason, actually.
on Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco
15 Sep 2004, 9:18 AM
Lyrically, call Ryan Adams. But poetically, I think it's lacking. Maybe I just subconsciously reject the use of the word "baby" in its slang context in a work of poesy. Hm.
on Perversions by razorgrin
15 Sep 2004, 9:13 AM
Ok, so those are rather amusing.
on Coldfront by klosterfobik
15 Sep 2004, 9:09 AM
I love it, and yet I hate the apostrophised written-accent "x-in'".
on Lord Byron Gave Mary Her Shelly by horus8
15 Sep 2004, 9:08 AM
You missed question marks (lines 4& 8). Correct grammar makes you look educated. I liked "under-wing", and that whole stanza.. But what does this mean;
"But Mary made demons before a wife
Her need was of faith, soon to be law"?
"But Mary made demons before a wife
Her need was of faith, soon to be law"?
on Redemption by leigh137
14 Sep 2004, 10:53 AM
I think wrong/right should be right/wrong so that it doesn't rhyme. I like how chatty it is. :)
on the Heart is not unmade by broke by daggatolar
30 Aug 2004, 3:12 AM
I love it, but I think you could punctuate here:
"no arm's/no arms' way out"
somewhere after "is Art a way" and "root on the spot".
"no arm's/no arms' way out"
somewhere after "is Art a way" and "root on the spot".
replying on It's really hard to know what to speak to him. by fevriere
30 Aug 2004, 2:43 AM
You know, I wasn't so sure about it myself. It's traditional cheese.