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In the berth (Free verse) by INTRANSIT Some nights the warm
reaching wind
rocks my truck
hushshshshsh
hushshshshsh
Sometimes a train passes beating
its' open boxcar song.
blumblum
blumblum
blumblum
blumblum
Some nights I lie in the plushness of the
contented cat underneath the hood.
And in the just right sleeping weather
I leave my curtains open
and look up.
Up the ladder:
Opening Your Heart
Down the ladder:
The Smoke That Follows
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.0
Posted: May 9, 2004 11:24 AM PDT; Last modified: November 25, 2007 11:20 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1897035 Overall Rank: 4775 Comments:
[9]
deleted user @ 68.66.196.168
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9-May-04/12:01 PM
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Reply
I'm fighting sleep just reading this. Lullaby. Nice.
Beautiful.
For a minute - I was in my own cab. good un.
I love it.
Nice, but do you really hear a cat's purr from under the hood?
Considering it's a CATerpillar engine, yes.
and is it just me , or is there something just not grammatically correct going into that part. one and two jive but the segway seems off....
I just posted a poem with the same title (guess I shoulda checked first). This one's better in some ways but also much easier to write.
No harm done.
sorry to repeat previous comments, but I loved it. ;-)
(however, don't you think that "it's" should be changed to "its", as in
Or a freight train passes singing its empty boxcar song; ?)
OMG ! ! ! That's such an obvious mistake I can't believe I missed it!!! Thank you!!!
In another edit I've condensed the opener into two lines, and the closer into two lines. Also contemplating replacing -cat- with -engine.
the 'cat' gives a two fold image...you need to keep that in. I like the image... :)
Not usually a favourite of mine - the 'sound effects' but you played it well
the sound effects make it an infant thing - don't know if that's intentional. It's wasted on me, that's for sure.
I like the cat though. prrrr prrrrrrrrrrr 325 view(s)
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