| Re: Dying Abroad by zodiac |
2-Feb-05/8:25 AM |
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| Re: a comment on A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere |
2-Feb-05/8:12 AM |
They were late addition. Tempted to cut them to:
where you cannot make love flower
or get me drunk on your heady scent.
And lose the lust..love's.. lines.
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| Re: a comment on A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere |
1-Feb-05/4:39 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Playfight by fevriere |
22-Jan-05/3:11 AM |
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| Re: a comment on Washing-up Hands and Disgruntled Underarms by fevriere |
5-Jan-05/12:19 PM |
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Now you put it that way..
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| Re: a comment on A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere |
26-Dec-04/7:43 AM |
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I've edited it, according to your crit. Thanks! If you'd like to reread it, it's above.
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| Re: a comment on "oh" by fevriere |
26-Dec-04/7:26 AM |
I'm not sure. "under" seemed to be a word of hiding the actual physical expression of emotion, the tear itself.. The tear appears to be represented by the round letter of 'o'.
This is very helpful to me, going through the poem at word level. I am usually too lazy to give a poem integrity but I will never write well until I consider what words I mean to use in every every instance and why. So thankyou. :)
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| Re: a comment on "oh" by fevriere |
25-Dec-04/10:17 AM |
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Actually, I really like that. "A syllable aches". I'm not sure about how the sea got in there. Bit subconscious. Maybe aligning the sea with femininity, girls' emotions?.. Not the foggiest. (Was that a sea allusion, slightly?)
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| Re: a comment on "oh" by fevriere |
25-Dec-04/10:12 AM |
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I guess you didn't read the half-gram as a tear. Bother.
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| Re: a comment on A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere |
23-Dec-04/8:54 AM |
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You're quite right. I think it needs going over with a ruler.
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| Re: a comment on "oh" by fevriere |
23-Dec-04/8:28 AM |
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| Re: a comment on "oh" by fevriere |
23-Dec-04/8:27 AM |
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Mean? Dunno. I was trying to describe the sound of someone saying "oh". Do you dislike it?
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| Re: The Perception's Play by Bhaskaryya |
21-Dec-04/9:06 AM |
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You realise that first of all, you're using couplets and then alternate rhyming lines? And you've put a lowercase 'i' when you mean 'I'. It's kind of nice, in a pastiche of nineteenth century poetry. Although the piece of rock bit was rather a blooper.
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| Re: Charms by auscot |
21-Dec-04/9:01 AM |
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Love it. Sounds all drunken and clumsy. Might want to put line 5 in speech marks.
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| Re: a comment on WHAT YOU GIVE AWAY IS WHAT YOU TAKE TO HEAVEN by w~* ATHENA *~w |
16-Nov-04/2:19 PM |
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I thought you said you wanted to poke holes in her? Isn't that an expression of endearment?
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| Re: madness by mashasha |
16-Nov-04/2:17 PM |
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| Re: Feminist? by RGSsparky |
16-Nov-04/2:16 PM |
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Undelightful and horrible grammar.
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| Re: Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT |
16-Nov-04/9:51 AM |
I like the line breaks, they build tension, make the words seem like worth living too.
Just thinking though, is "nighttime sun" just there to rhyme with "captive one"?, because I don't know if it belongs, otherwise.
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| Re: a comment on Silly sickness by fevriere |
10-Nov-04/9:37 AM |
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Thank you for that. It's quite humbling. And very helpful. :)
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| Re: a comment on A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere |
1-Nov-04/10:42 AM |
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So do you think it needs meter or re-classification? I was kinda excited about writing a sonnet, but I don't suppose it's a real one, is it?
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