Poemranker [20 most recent comments by fevriere (41-60) and replies]

on Dying Abroad by zodiac 2 Feb 2005, 8:25 AM

Simple, pleasing.

replying on A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere 2 Feb 2005, 8:12 AM

They were late addition. Tempted to cut them to:

where you cannot make love flower
or get me drunk on your heady scent.

And lose the lust..love's.. lines.

replying on A love apple's just a tomato (edit of "Uprooting") by fevriere 1 Feb 2005, 4:39 AM

Thank-you!

replying on Playfight by fevriere 22 Jan 2005, 3:11 AM

Yes; Othello.

replying on Washing-up Hands and Disgruntled Underarms by fevriere 5 Jan 2005, 12:19 PM

Now you put it that way..

replying on A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere 26 Dec 2004, 7:43 AM

I've edited it, according to your crit. Thanks! If you'd like to reread it, it's above.

replying on "oh" by fevriere 26 Dec 2004, 7:26 AM

I'm not sure. "under" seemed to be a word of hiding the actual physical expression of emotion, the tear itself.. The tear appears to be represented by the round letter of 'o'.
This is very helpful to me, going through the poem at word level. I am usually too lazy to give a poem integrity but I will never write well until I consider what words I mean to use in every every instance and why. So thankyou. :)

replying on "oh" by fevriere 25 Dec 2004, 10:17 AM

Actually, I really like that. "A syllable aches". I'm not sure about how the sea got in there. Bit subconscious. Maybe aligning the sea with femininity, girls' emotions?.. Not the foggiest. (Was that a sea allusion, slightly?)

replying on "oh" by fevriere 25 Dec 2004, 10:12 AM

I guess you didn't read the half-gram as a tear. Bother.

replying on A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere 23 Dec 2004, 8:54 AM

You're quite right. I think it needs going over with a ruler.

replying on "oh" by fevriere 23 Dec 2004, 8:28 AM

Thank you. :)

replying on "oh" by fevriere 23 Dec 2004, 8:27 AM

Mean? Dunno. I was trying to describe the sound of someone saying "oh". Do you dislike it?

on The Perception's Play by Bhaskaryya 21 Dec 2004, 9:06 AM

You realise that first of all, you're using couplets and then alternate rhyming lines? And you've put a lowercase 'i' when you mean 'I'. It's kind of nice, in a pastiche of nineteenth century poetry. Although the piece of rock bit was rather a blooper.

on Charms by auscot 21 Dec 2004, 9:01 AM

Love it. Sounds all drunken and clumsy. Might want to put line 5 in speech marks.

replying on WHAT YOU GIVE AWAY IS WHAT YOU TAKE TO HEAVEN by w~* ATHENA *~w 16 Nov 2004, 2:19 PM

I thought you said you wanted to poke holes in her? Isn't that an expression of endearment?

on madness by mashasha 16 Nov 2004, 2:17 PM

"u" is not a word.

on Feminist? by RGSsparky 16 Nov 2004, 2:16 PM

Undelightful and horrible grammar.

on Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT 16 Nov 2004, 9:51 AM

I like the line breaks, they build tension, make the words seem like worth living too.

Just thinking though, is "nighttime sun" just there to rhyme with "captive one"?, because I don't know if it belongs, otherwise.

replying on Silly sickness by fevriere 10 Nov 2004, 9:37 AM

Thank you for that. It's quite humbling. And very helpful. :)

replying on A Wanderlust To The New by fevriere 1 Nov 2004, 10:42 AM

So do you think it needs meter or re-classification? I was kinda excited about writing a sonnet, but I don't suppose it's a real one, is it?