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Silly sickness (Free verse) by fevriere I'm so overwhelmed.
You're something witty.
Have resorted to categorising music.
Don't dare to put those CDs on.
The green has gone, the mist's risen.
Hot leaves spiral down like sycamore seeds.
The wind breathes, rattling windows,
and he walks where I don't go,
and sees a girl he loves and moves a little closer.
The wind breathes, rattling skin. I'm so over-whelmed, and
he leaves, walks a girl, I'm categorising record players:
Scary, scary, scary.
Up the ladder:
you
Down the ladder:
Behind the Mask
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: November 8, 2004 3:51 PM PST; Last modified: November 8, 2004 3:51 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.9602656 Overall Rank: 8680 Comments:
[6]
nentwined @ 66.92.28.14
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8-Nov-04/4:51 PM
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Reply
I get the overwhelmed but not much else. Guesses, but they're pretty random.
I feel the same way about dung beatles.
Not sure about this one. 'You're something witty' where it is sounds bizarre. Short sentences are fine in building up tempo but the linebreaks impede this and I spent too much time figuring out how each line followed on from the other.
Most of your recent poems; soul fruit, a wanderlust to the new, zipmark'd etc have been pretty good (the use of composite words in wanderlust I enjoyed) and have sounded wonderful. I think part of the reason for this is the longer verses bring out your lyricality in a way this poem does not.
Thank you for that. It's quite humbling. And very helpful. :)
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