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Silly sickness

Member since 2004 · Posted 8 Nov 2004 · 4 comments

I'm so overwhelmed. You're something witty. Have resorted to categorising music. Don't dare to put those CDs on. The green has gone, the mist's risen. Hot leaves spiral down like sycamore seeds. The wind breathes, rattling windows, and he walks where I don't go, and sees a girl he loves and moves a little closer. The wind breathes, rattling skin. I'm so over-whelmed, and he leaves, walks a girl, I'm categorising record players: Scary, scary, scary.

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mean 4.67 weighted 4.96 rank 8618 views 185 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

4 comments

[6] nentwined 8-Nov-04/4:51 PM Reply

I get the overwhelmed but not much else. Guesses, but they're pretty random.

[8] Bachus 9-Nov-04/1:32 PM Reply

I feel the same way about dung beatles.

[n/a] richa 9-Nov-04/2:31 PM Reply

Not sure about this one. 'You're something witty' where it is sounds bizarre. Short sentences are fine in building up tempo but the linebreaks impede this and I spent too much time figuring out how each line followed on from the other.

Most of your recent poems; soul fruit, a wanderlust to the new, zipmark'd etc have been pretty good (the use of composite words in wanderlust I enjoyed) and have sounded wonderful. I think part of the reason for this is the longer verses bring out your lyricality in a way this poem does not.

[n/a] fevriere › richa 10-Nov-04/9:37 AM Reply

Thank you for that. It's quite humbling. And very helpful. :)