replying on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere
3 Jul 2005, 3:03 PM
Cool. Excellent feedback! I will work on an edit. New/no first stanza, & free verse.
replying on The Object of the Game by Dovina
30 Jun 2005, 10:03 AM
I second that idea! I like what you're on to.
replying on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere
30 Jun 2005, 10:02 AM
second stanza or throughout?
on The Object of the Game by Dovina
28 Jun 2005, 6:04 AM
Is rockmage senile? Or just uninspiringly offensive?
Anyways:
I like this poem - thank God it's not another "women suck because they ignore me".. Yaowl. I was just wondering about the repetition of "hurt" and "hurts" - intentional? I don't like it but this could be unfounded dislike.
Anyways:
I like this poem - thank God it's not another "women suck because they ignore me".. Yaowl. I was just wondering about the repetition of "hurt" and "hurts" - intentional? I don't like it but this could be unfounded dislike.
replying on We Have Never Spoken by fevriere
28 Jun 2005, 6:00 AM
It's youth and arrogance, I think. The lead piping is a bit of an emotive, brutal, teenage response. What is the lsson of two? I thought it was just that while old age is impending, the speaker and their companion are "still young" ("I will.. go that way too.. but not before..").
I am sorry to be such a blatant hanger-on but doubleU's right. I was waiting for you to pick your head up and give a wry verbal retort. I'll bet you can do it and in my opinion it would give this poem the arsekick it deserves. No vote 'til it gets better.
on Inspiration from absurdity by INTRANSIT
3 Jun 2005, 7:40 AM
Funky.
on Cast a shadow. by darby pyn
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
No complaints. Hit between eyes and loss of all critical function. Thus this poem gets love.
on PLEASE VOTE FOR MELANIE by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w
3 May 2005, 2:29 PM
Yeah. Not at all bad for a topical verse.
replying on This one the love by thepinkbunnyofdoom
26 Apr 2005, 1:28 PM
I was affording myself time off my duty to Poesy as Head Critic. Maybe you need to do the same?
on Self Conscious by Damien
25 Apr 2005, 9:09 AM
It's a bit naked. Creation of or from sensation?
replying on Antique by Billy Fights
25 Apr 2005, 8:36 AM
Right. Is the poet likening himself to a mace?
replying on This one the love by thepinkbunnyofdoom
25 Apr 2005, 8:35 AM
Since I felt more moved to applaud the comment than the poem. No offense intended. I have a short attention span.
on Antique by Billy Fights
24 Apr 2005, 3:34 PM
What's a morningstar? Is it one of those little choppy throwable disc things with spikes?
I must confess, the first stanza made me want to puke but the fourth I really liked (and the second was ok too - I'm just lost on the morningstar). Weird, eh?
I must confess, the first stanza made me want to puke but the fourth I really liked (and the second was ok too - I'm just lost on the morningstar). Weird, eh?