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Muggy (Other) by fevriere
This morning, I woke up with the morning I was beckoned out of bed to draw and draw at pints of water to assuage a thumping head. A hangover! A novelty! the punishment for iced coffee; and giving blood and pouring sweat onto the city's heavy heat. My stomach is a goldfish bowl my head an amniotic bank my brain like crepe my fingers feeling warm and more than slightly lank. While yesterday began with promise, talking of the beerlike sun that washes with a harvest gold through the town on everyone; gently coaxes girls to smiling asks the boys undo their shirts fiddles even with the gravest tempts them early from their work. Day soon found its own objection: Thickened air and upped the heat. Furthermore, the day unwisely lowered ceilings in the street. Hung so quiet, blank as air had our bodies in their vice. Under them, I did a bad thing; drank sweet coffee poured on ice. I've been woken with the morning birds like details call outside. Fingers sweat still blank the sky too immature to drink its pride.

Up the ladder: A POEM ON LOVE
Down the ladder: Inside Out

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Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Weighted score: 5.0
Overall Rank: 7890
Posted: June 10, 2005 2:54 AM PDT; Last modified: June 10, 2005 2:54 AM PDT
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Comments:
[7] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 | 10-Jun-05/7:08 AM | Reply
>>This morning, I woke up with the morning<<

Too simple.
'This morning, I woke up with the dead
of the morning'
(or whatever the American phrase is)
[n/a] fevriere @ 62.254.128.7 > deleted user | 10-Jun-05/11:51 AM | Reply
How about,
"I woke up with the morning,
was beckoned out of bed"?
[7] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 > fevriere | 10-Jun-05/11:55 AM | Reply
Now you're making it PLAIN. Why? What's in your mouth when you wake up with a hangover? Dead mouses. Use, and infuse that.
[n/a] fevriere @ 62.254.128.7 > deleted user | 11-Jun-05/1:37 AM | Reply
There were no mice in my mouth. It wasn't a real hangover. I'm not trying to regail you with tales of my alcoholism. (I feel like a nerd).
[7] deleted user @ 81.69.23.196 > fevriere | 11-Jun-05/3:23 AM | Reply
Well, iced coffee can be spiked, and to quite fatal quantities...
[n/a] fevriere @ 62.254.128.7 > deleted user | 11-Jun-05/10:19 AM | Reply
Shit, I hate it when my iced coffee gets spiked, don't you?
[n/a] zodiac @ 212.118.19.246 > fevriere | 11-Jun-05/12:51 AM | Reply
Don't listen to any of them.

But do drop "I" from line 2.
[n/a] fevriere @ 62.254.128.7 > zodiac | 11-Jun-05/1:37 AM | Reply
Wise move.
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 10-Jun-05/11:10 AM | Reply
I wish the first verse carried the meter of the rest.
[n/a] fevriere @ 62.254.128.7 > Dovina | 10-Jun-05/11:52 AM | Reply
I assumed only the linebreaks varied.
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