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Youth (Pimple) by thepinkbunnyofdoom Way back in the day, in the back alley way
We'd get together and we'd play
Smoking, Token, Coughing, Choken,
Lying on the floor til our asses were broken
Pile in the backseat of Mikey's car
A drive across town felt like so far
Rushing off into the night
Racing faster than the speed of light
We were just a bunch of kids getting wasted
I had a future but I misplaced it
We'll ditch back down this alley way
Turn around and go back the other way
We'd get back home and I'll sing another sad song
About how mom and dad have no clue what's going on
We were just a bunch of kids getting wasted
I had a future but I misplaced it
Racing faster than the speed of light
Rushing off into the night
Up the ladder:
Underneath This Burning Sun
Down the ladder:
Spongey Disease
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: October 14, 2004 5:42 PM PDT; Last modified: October 14, 2004 5:42 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.9640274 Overall Rank: 130 Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 24.52.156.155
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14-Oct-04/5:52 PM
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Reply
Adolescence hits boys harder than girls. We bleed a little and breasts pop out, but boys are crazed with madness.
"bunch of kids getting wasted I had a future but I misplaced it"
Great line.
Dig it.
I don't think the repetition works, the speed of light line annoys me. And drop "token" for something else. That line could be the real hook but I feel the whole thing's not quick as catchy as you want it to be. As it could be.
Thanks for your thoughts, I'm sure you thought 'quick' hard about this. "Token" is quite literally what we were doing in the back streets. Trust me 'speed of light' sounds a lot better than "going a hundred fifty two, not stopping for the lights red and blue", and the repetition is a reflexion(kinda of ties the title down).
<3 Jason
I never heard anyone use the word token like that before. I'm glad you feel you can justify everything that's in there - that's the mark of a satisfied poet. You're lucky.
Don't give in so easily. He probably meant "tokin'", like what you do to a marijuana cigarette.
Besides, in order to be "quite literally...doing" token, he'd probably have to be participating in some wacky obscure "fad" dance involving lying under-foot, alternated with rolling around in various slots.
Well, "tokin'" makes a lot more sense. But it rightly rhymes with both "smokin'" and "chokin'", so I'm well satisfied.
A Token is, an item used in place of something else. Tokin, is the smoking of hashish cigarettes(or in our case depending on your coastline pipes/bowls). Its placement was intentional, whether you choose to believe so or not.
Don't change anything.. I think it's already good.
awesome. Good grief, man! This is really good stuff.
I could only get as far as the first few lines. When I read words like "choken" I give up. Also I am sad your donkeys are broken.
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