Re: Witch's Brew by ecargo	20-Feb-06/8:10 AM
Man I love this.
Re: Conflict Resolution by Dovina	20-Feb-06/8:27 AM
Yes, better. I think I gave this a 7 last time, so now I'll move it up a notch.
Re: Herman by richa	20-Feb-06/11:33 AM
Dammit, why have I not read more of your works? I was gone for too long. This is a wonderful read.
Re: Home is Where the Hate Is by raven_the_poet	21-Feb-06/2:30 AM
Okay, not bad. As a general point, I'm not sure prose poems have choruses - they're supposed to be more storylike, at least in my interpretation of the term. But that isn't important right now. In the first stanza I would use 'who' instead of 'that' (as you're referring to a person rather than an object) - also the last line in stanza 1 is a bit short; it stops abruptly in comparison to the other lines. I like the way stanza 2 goes quickly - I get the impression of someone whispering it over the shoulder, get rid of 'cause' though (and split that line into 2 lines) to keep the rhythm flowing. The last stanza is good, a little untidy at the moment, but with a bit of trimming it'll be fine.
Re: Empty Chronicles by Scarlett	21-Feb-06/2:43 AM
Mmm, yes now this I like. 'Wisest not to bud', 'Inspiration melts', '"Bloom me mulberry"', so beautiful. Absolutely lovely.
Re: lost souls by aamir_trichy	21-Feb-06/2:52 AM
Personally I would leave out 'Cause' (line 2) as it interrupts the flow, and I wouldn't bother with 'Tis' either. It's too archaic for the feel of this poem.
Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	21-Feb-06/2:57 AM
This gave me shivers. Edit the typos in stanza 1 ('creeping' and 'blind') so I can give you a vote.
Re: Sunday i will dream again by Caducus	21-Feb-06/6:18 AM
Damn you Caducus, damn you to poetic injustice, you have presented me with a set of stanzas which individually are worth their weight in gold. But they don't click with each other, the joints are missing here. Each stanza has at least one absolute gem of a line in, it seems to me that you have stanzas from seven different poems put together here though. If I've missed something very important (and it's highly plausible that I have, my brain is somewhat fried right now) tell me and I will alter my reading accordingly. PS since I disappeared from the ranker you started writing some unbelievable stuff; I feel like I missed out!
Re: Gunsong by MacFrantic	21-Feb-06/6:38 AM
I've just had a reread of this and I have to admit that 'Alive and frequently mortal' has to be one of my favourite lines on this site. Class.
Re: Eden to Galillee (by Caducus) by Mona Lisa	21-Feb-06/7:42 AM
You haven't really pinched this from Caducus have you? He's written far too much for me to check.
Re: The chestnut by richa	21-Feb-06/7:55 AM
Man...images of a flagon full of absynthe (my spelling of it, not necessarily right though)...you have one iron liver...
Re: Watercolor Fairy by Scarlett	21-Feb-06/8:18 AM
Nice, made me think of the children's story about the elves and the shoemaker, I think. It was a shoemaker, wasn't it? Anyway. Not only do I see the fairy in this dancing round the picture, I also see the artist doing the same during the day - Tesa could easily be a small child as well, giving the picture the sort of imagination that only childhood can (does that make sense?) I love the idea of hues battling for territory, although I'm not sure that 'battle' fits the feel of this piece - maybe something like 'jostle' would work better? Also I'd change 'a dew' to 'like dew' - or even just get leave out 'a'. You get the imagery spot on here.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	21-Feb-06/3:49 PM
drnick seems to be getting quite a few tributes lately! And well deserved, I might add.
Re: Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	21-Feb-06/3:51 PM
This is fantastic.
Re: The Mirror by TLRufener	23-Feb-06/4:44 AM
There's nothing wrong with wanting to put your own feelings/emotions into a poem, but for me particularly a poem is far more appealing without repeated use of 'I/me/my' etc. See if you can find a way of writing this that isn't in the first person - maybe try writing it from the mirror's point of view. Alternatively, my favourite trick is to invent a new point of view - something else in the room watching you, for instance. It just makes it more intriguing for the reader - and also allows for a bit more innovation.
Re: Buried in the Booth (edit) by drnick	23-Feb-06/4:53 AM
This has some fucking awesome phrases in; the first stanza in particular got me going straight away. It's already been said, but I also think that this is at heart a prose poem - you put in a lot of description which makes it a long read when split into verses. Put together in prose form would make it easier, I think, for the reader to get through the description. Anyway, I have more to say about this but I'm on a friend's laptop at the moment and I find laptops in general bleedin' awkward to use, so when I get home I shall return to this poem.
Re: Gaia and Man by Blue Magpie	23-Feb-06/5:12 AM
Wow, that was a long read. I think I should get a prize for finishing it. Seriously though, that's too long for a lot of people; I was switching off towards the end. The message is noble enough but it could have been said in a much more concise manner. The owl man is good, and the dialogue is done fairly well. I do think that you constrain yourself too much with the rhyming scheme - I reckon you could reduce the stanzas to four lines apiece, keeping the choice rhymes, and still achieve the same effect. In all honesty, I am going to have to come back to this later; there's far too much content to comment on in one sitting.
Re: Revised Dream (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20	24-Feb-06/6:01 AM
Okay, I like the idea at the core of this - positive poems are getting rarer by the day. However, when you get into the description it is very cliched and - dare I say it - lacking in a bit of imagination. As some advance warning, the 'love/above' rhyme is certain to lose you marks here (it is possible the most used phrase in the world of poetry, although run close by 'hate/fate'). Also, 'fields of love' really doesn't work. Although I know in a way what you're saying, it's totally nonsensical. Have a listen to 'Fields of Gold' (by the Police, just in case you haven't heard it) for an example of mastery of this sort of imagery. Essentially what I am trying to say here is that this poem will be very good if you can make it original. Read a lot of poetry on here and note all the recurring phrases/rhymes/images. Then avoid them like the plague. Your imagination will do the rest. I look forward to seeing any revisions of this.
Re: Darker Days by oneglove	24-Feb-06/6:29 AM
Crikey, where do I begin with this one? I really like this poem, the first and last stanzas shine very brightly for me. 'Caviar dreams' I swear I've seen before, which is a bit of a shame as it detracts slightly from the overall originality of the piece. The same applies to 'bleeding skies'; in my opinion the second stanza could do with a reworking to bring it to the standard of the other two. The final stanza is fantastic, perhaps 'I love you' should be in quote marks? 'Twin sapphires set in snow/Look like a murder scene'. 8 for now, with a rework of stanza two this will be at least a nine.
regarding some deleted poem...	24-Feb-06/10:11 AM
Well you know just how much I love this one - in my eyes it looked better centrally aligned like you can on Word, but aligning on here isn't always simple. I want parrot hair!