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Nude Falling Down Staircase (Free verse) by zodiac (How we do art â)
Coming from sex or going to fetch pie
from the plate on the table for someone
whoâs already asleep, having forgotten
asking for pie, you trip over the dog,
and you, the dog and you, go tumbling down,
thinking â the human you now â so now Iâm
a motion-study, futurism for dummies,
cue laugh-track: zhe outraygeous waiter tips
the desert-cart, cannolis, crème-puffs spilling.
So youâre breaking up, having gone downstairs
to get desert, mister or missus head
knee elbow nipple balls sex made all-one,
now grunting spiraling air-thrusting thinking
if I had wings Iâd touch feather-light down
on the landing, Iâd bring this on a plate
for you to smile at, rubbing the sheet between
your legs. But what of that? Then thereâs no man
or girl waiting above, there are no sheets
to rub, no love-smell, thereâs no landing, either,
and only the waked dog eating your pie.
Up the ladder:
For Beth, after anal intercourse
Down the ladder:
Drowning in a Fire
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.5
Posted: February 21, 2006 3:11 PM PST; Last modified: February 21, 2006 3:42 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.941295 Overall Rank: 1390 Comments:
[9]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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21-Feb-06/3:51 PM
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Reply
This is fantastic.
Aside from the last line this is a great representation of cubism with a cute parody title.
The final lines threw me off though, they don't seem to go with the scattered multi angle picture you've created.
I wanted it to be more about writing/art in general than cubism. Maybe that's what's confusing.
The last line does make more sense that way. I'm sure you've seen the painting. When I first saw it I thought "Yeah, it looks more like he's falling than descending". Do you think the cubist quality of the painting might have subtly influenced the way you wrote this? It seems your trying to demystify art. This would be a side effect of atheism and the reason I avoid atheism. Then again I probably am as usual reading too much into this.
"Do you think the cubist quality of the painting might have subtly influenced the way you wrote this?"
Only as far as cubist/futurist/whatever capturing every movement or moment in an event, freeze-frame style. Which I think applies to writing as much as to any other art. "It seems your trying to demystify art." I'd like to mystify the mundane. Seriously. For me at least, that's a side effect of atheism. Part of that I think is the event or poem being free from context, which I what I was trying to say in the end. For me it's metaphor for writing a poem, maybe a poem for a woman. You break your neck and only the dog/reader gets the prize. If that's not clear, though, it's my bad.
Most art movements have their literary counterpart. I got the part where the reader doesn't know the context and to truly put them in your state of mind is futile which is exactly why you should write for yourself first and foremost. Poems and paintings are just elaborate calling cards. Davinci seems to have known that.
Yet I still think there is a mystic quality to art that can't be defined except maybe through art.
To be honest, I didn't really get this until I read your responce to ALChemy. Though, to be fair, this is a very "artsy" poem and thus should be difficult to get right away. Anyways, I love it now...especially the last line. Well done.
I really like your stuff, Zodiac, including this <gush gush, but what the hell>. The first line is killer. Like the falling-through-air using sex words; could do without the borrowed slapstick waiter (I don't think you need it). The metaphor works, for art, for writing. (But what do you mean in your comment by "free from context"? Shouldn't it carry its own context to be effective, to some degree anyway?)
Dessert, not desert.
Well, say context should be self-contained. When I write I find myself ballooning out-of-control out of the situation I've set out to describe. I wrote this as kind of my determination to not do that so much.
re "dessert": yes. That's unconscionable. Maybe I should get away from the computer for a bit. It seems to be eating brain cells.
lol...chuckled at this...didn't think I was going to like it, at first...but it came out pulled together...and ended up being fun. You have a strange internal dialog! LOL
Spew
i am completely baffled with this one. maybe my two year break from poetry really disconnected me from the poetic beat or something
so very tired - so lame - no sheets? try something more
personable - a tad more broad - you're too selfish.
this is blank verse, isn't it? the title reads like the title of a painting, which leaves me wondering whether there's a real painting behind the poem. on completion of my first read it made me chuckle. in my estimation the phrase "made all-one" in line 12 should be eliminated. the meaning is already implicit, and the line would have so much more "oomph" without.
Pie! 354 view(s)
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