DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

lost souls

Member since 2006 · Posted 20 Feb 2006 · Edited 21 Feb 2006 · 8 comments

The fire is burning them all They know not, Cause the fire is cold, Tis not burning with flames, Tis not leaving smoke, For its inside them that consumes the soul.

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mean 4.25 weighted 4.91 rank 9592 views 294 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

8 comments

[n/a] Ranger 21-Feb-06/2:52 AM Reply

Personally I would leave out 'Cause' (line 2) as it interrupts the flow, and I wouldn't bother with 'Tis' either. It's too archaic for the feel of this poem.

[n/a] aamir_trichy › Ranger 21-Feb-06/5:24 AM Reply

my first ever lines on sceen!!!!

[n/a] Ranger › aamir_trichy 21-Feb-06/6:13 AM Reply

And they are by no means bad lines. I'm just suggesting what I would do if they were *my* lines; if you disagree then that is absolutely fine - I'm not going to tell someone what they have to do in their poems. Write for yourself first and foremost, but when you want to write for other people, listen to what they say.

[4] MacFrantic 21-Feb-06/6:30 AM Reply

Ugh, this caves in fast. *4*

[8] zodiac 21-Feb-06/3:22 PM Reply

Not bad, but you should know most poetry written in English is not like this.

[n/a] aamir_trichy › zodiac 22-Feb-06/8:38 PM Reply

whats it like then? i mean this is first time i have written something..........

[8] zodiac › aamir_trichy 22-Feb-06/11:17 PM Reply

It's like this: http://www.poems.com/archdate.htm

[n/a] Blue Magpie 22-Feb-06/4:39 AM Reply

Personally I'd leave the whole thin out and try again.