poemranker ::The chestnut by richa

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Free verse № 131628

The chestnut

by richa

Member since 2002 · Posted 4 Oct 2005 · Edited 20 Feb 2006 · 14 comments

Dates have become altered or places. I am drunk on absinth under the chestnut and the girl is not legal to join me. It would drive me out but I have always picked conkers on the lush grass under the chestnut and I would wager there are no men who would be happier than I under the chestnut tree with a flagon full of my favourite liquor when dates become altered or places. And the girl carrying water is not legal to join me.

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mean 9.17 weighted 6.12 rank 1094 views 278 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

14 comments

[8] Dovina 4-Oct-05/4:18 PM Reply
If she drives an Englishman to France, she has more power than you admit.
[8] wilco 4-Oct-05/8:17 PM Reply
not bad, rich, not bad at all.
[10] zodiac 5-Oct-05/2:01 AM Reply
Really great. Is that really how it's spelled? I thought absinthe, and am too lazy to check.
[9] INTRANSIT 10-Oct-05/7:21 AM Reply
I'm researching. back in a minute.
[10] SupremeDreamer 10-Oct-05/9:17 AM Reply
Beatiful... I wish I was you under the chestnut, bonin that girl.
[10] zodiac 10-Jan-06/8:27 AM Reply
I liked the original better.
[n/a] richa › zodiac 11-Jan-06/3:39 AM Reply
I agree but I wanted to shake off its regimented shape. Is it the bits I missed out that ruin it or the new form.
[10] zodiac › richa 11-Jan-06/7:39 AM Reply
The missed out repetition. It was really, um, drunk sounding that way. And I can't remember what exactly you had after "and the girl" in the first stanza, but I think it was more lyrical.
[9] http://mulberryfairy 10-Jan-06/8:30 PM Reply
"Dates have become misaligned
or places"
I didn't get the "or places"
The rest is great.

[8] Dovina 20-Feb-06/5:22 PM Reply
It seems like a sad condition - alone under a chestnut tree, drinking, watching an unobtainable girl. I would wager that most people are happier when they drive to work.
[8] Ranger 21-Feb-06/7:55 AM Reply
Man...images of a flagon full of absynthe (my spelling of it, not necessarily right though)...you have one iron liver...
[10] zodiac 21-Feb-06/3:35 PM Reply
Better.
[9] ALChemy 21-Feb-06/4:04 PM Reply
Efficient and effective.
[10] ecargo 23-Feb-06/10:00 AM Reply
Gorgeous as ever, Rich. Three reps of "under the chestnut" seems too many though--we get it. Did you deliberately leave the first couple of lines unpunctuated so that it reads as dates have become altered/dates have become places (as well as dates and places have become altered)? Cool in a drunken/confused way. :)