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The chestnut (Free verse) by richa Dates have become
altered or places.
I am drunk on absinth
under the chestnut
and the girl is not
legal to join me.
It would drive me out
but I have always
picked conkers
on the lush grass
under the chestnut
and I would wager
there are no men
who would be happier
than I under
the chestnut tree
with a flagon full
of my favourite liquor
when dates become
altered or places.
And the girl
carrying water
is not
legal to join me.
Up the ladder:
Even the elephants
Down the ladder:
Glitterati
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 9.166667
Posted: October 4, 2005 11:20 AM PDT; Last modified: February 20, 2006 1:59 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.1205893 Overall Rank: 1094 Comments:
[8]
Dovina @ 12.74.105.74
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4-Oct-05/4:18 PM
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Reply
If she drives an Englishman to France, she has more power than you admit.
not bad, rich, not bad at all.
Really great. Is that really how it's spelled? I thought absinthe, and am too lazy to check.
I'm researching. back in a minute.
Beatiful... I wish I was you under the chestnut, bonin that girl.
I liked the original better.
I agree but I wanted to shake off its regimented shape. Is it the bits I missed out that ruin it or the new form.
The missed out repetition. It was really, um, drunk sounding that way. And I can't remember what exactly you had after "and the girl" in the first stanza, but I think it was more lyrical.
"Dates have become misaligned
or places" I didn't get the "or places" The rest is great.
It seems like a sad condition - alone under a chestnut tree, drinking, watching an unobtainable girl. I would wager that most people are happier when they drive to work.
Man...images of a flagon full of absynthe (my spelling of it, not necessarily right though)...you have one iron liver...
Better.
Efficient and effective.
Gorgeous as ever, Rich. Three reps of "under the chestnut" seems too many though--we get it. Did you deliberately leave the first couple of lines unpunctuated so that it reads as dates have become altered/dates have become places (as well as dates and places have become altered)? Cool in a drunken/confused way. :)
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