poemranker ::Home is Where the Hate Is by raven_the_poet

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Prose Poem № 139394

Home is Where the Hate Is

by raven_the_poet

Member since 2006 · Posted 20 Feb 2006 · 4 comments

Don’t go home until he’s gone. The beast you call family, The strong, tall man that kills you inside, That makes you cry, that haunts you. Watch your step, Everywhere you go. Don’t want to trip, Don’t want to fall. Cause if you do, he’ll criticize you, No sympathy, just anger, And it’s getting to you Chorus: At home, it’s a constant rage, No time to make room for your own flesh and blood. But once again, You cry in the darkness, Try not to let him hear you screaming. She tries so hard to calm him down. It’s not her fault, She’s got a big heart. But try again mom, She’s the only thing you’ve got, The only one that’s got a lot of problems just like you. [Chorus x2]

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4 comments

[n/a] Ranger 21-Feb-06/2:30 AM Reply
Okay, not bad. As a general point, I'm not sure prose poems have choruses - they're supposed to be more storylike, at least in my interpretation of the term. But that isn't important right now.
In the first stanza I would use 'who' instead of 'that' (as you're referring to a person rather than an object) - also the last line in stanza 1 is a bit short; it stops abruptly in comparison to the other lines.
I like the way stanza 2 goes quickly - I get the impression of someone whispering it over the shoulder, get rid of 'cause' though (and split that line into 2 lines) to keep the rhythm flowing.
The last stanza is good, a little untidy at the moment, but with a bit of trimming it'll be fine.
[n/a] raven_the_poet › Ranger 22-Feb-06/5:28 PM Reply
Yeah, I'm not going to change anything because it's a song, but thanks lol. I think it sounds fine, and if I plan on using it as a poem anytime soon, I'll take your suggestions into consideration.
[n/a] Blue Magpie 22-Feb-06/5:47 AM Reply
But where is the chorus??
[n/a] raven_the_poet › Blue Magpie 22-Feb-06/5:29 PM Reply
Chorus:

At home, it’s a constant rage,
No time to make room for your own flesh and blood.
But once again,
You cry in the darkness,
Try not to let him hear you screaming.