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Home is Where the Hate Is (Prose Poem) by raven_the_poet Donât go home until heâs gone.
The beast you call family,
The strong, tall man that kills you inside,
That makes you cry, that haunts you.
Watch your step,
Everywhere you go.
Donât want to trip,
Donât want to fall.
Cause if you do, heâll criticize you,
No sympathy, just anger,
And itâs getting to you
Chorus:
At home, itâs a constant rage,
No time to make room for your own flesh and blood.
But once again,
You cry in the darkness,
Try not to let him hear you screaming.
She tries so hard to calm him down.
Itâs not her fault,
Sheâs got a big heart.
But try again mom,
Sheâs the only thing youâve got,
The only one thatâs got a lot of problems just like you.
[Chorus x2]
Up the ladder:
Her Eyes
Down the ladder:
HE CAN SAVE YOU
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.0
Posted: February 20, 2006 5:09 PM PST; Last modified: February 20, 2006 5:09 PM PSTWeighted score: 4.905148 Overall Rank: 9785 Comments:
But where is the chorus??
Chorus:
At home, itâs a constant rage, No time to make room for your own flesh and blood. But once again, You cry in the darkness, Try not to let him hear you screaming. 190 view(s)
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In the first stanza I would use 'who' instead of 'that' (as you're referring to a person rather than an object) - also the last line in stanza 1 is a bit short; it stops abruptly in comparison to the other lines.
I like the way stanza 2 goes quickly - I get the impression of someone whispering it over the shoulder, get rid of 'cause' though (and split that line into 2 lines) to keep the rhythm flowing.
The last stanza is good, a little untidy at the moment, but with a bit of trimming it'll be fine.