on The Trail by ThoughtfulSoul
20 Nov 2002, 5:41 AM
is this finished? its not a poem and as a piece of literature its woefully uninspiring.
Keep on writing though, you can do it
Keep on writing though, you can do it
on The Trail by ThoughtfulSoul
20 Nov 2002, 5:41 AM
is this finished? its not a poem and as a piece of literature its woefully uninspiring.
Keep on writing though, you can do it
Keep on writing though, you can do it
on When It's All Over by BUFFY0BSESSED
20 Nov 2002, 4:53 AM
No offence intended but it goes on a bit and becomes tedious as you keep making the same point, and the point in which your making is not sold poignantly enough for it to move me.
on Bastard Of The Bastard by Bachus
19 Nov 2002, 10:07 AM
Filled with vitriol, and talk about a memorable last line.
Can we expect a sequel?
nice job
Can we expect a sequel?
nice job
on Sisters in Disquise by confuzdlilgirl
19 Nov 2002, 8:24 AM
pretty good CLG, but check paragraphs 2/4 for errors as it kills the vibe your trying to emanate
on Summer Repose by jdsnyd
19 Nov 2002, 8:17 AM
Nicely Constructed, philosophical, liked the line 'too content in the moment'
on missing you by Goose
19 Nov 2002, 8:15 AM
i agree with chrisof
replying on The Breathing Dead by Caducus
19 Nov 2002, 3:47 AM
Thanks, your observation was right and i have edited it, and i think it reads better now.
on My love for another. by cleverdevice
19 Nov 2002, 3:42 AM
Just like I was there, you shouls be proud of this one.
on yellow verse by daniella
19 Nov 2002, 3:04 AM
At last a limerick !
replying on The Breathing Dead by Caducus
19 Nov 2002, 1:47 AM
pillar wa smeant - thanks,
however you got me thinking tears are made of salt , hmmmm
nah your right i'll change it
however you got me thinking tears are made of salt , hmmmm
nah your right i'll change it
on I'm a homicidal kind of guy (spoof of every 'down-home' song you've ever heard) by Yardbird
18 Nov 2002, 6:07 AM
I think N'sync should sing it, then you pet that ppk out and whack em !
Full marks my psychotic prince
Full marks my psychotic prince
on Broken Glass by Sugarbbybuttrfly
18 Nov 2002, 4:46 AM
Kep hoping for that killer line, add more sarcasm and venom, as a man I'm interested in knowing how the perpertrator affected the perpetrated. It didnt deliver enough as a poem but as a song maybe. *5*
on I Begged by abbaslittleclingon
18 Nov 2002, 3:12 AM
Have an 8 Its a beautifully written piece loved the tree thing, and the way you told it hit me hard.
on Determination by Birdman42s
15 Nov 2002, 9:20 AM
deserves to be more read
well done man
well done man
on The heart of self destruction by Roisin
15 Nov 2002, 9:17 AM
'the faceless assassin of her heart' that did it for me - 7
well done indeed and i'm in a bad mood
well done indeed and i'm in a bad mood
on Forbidden fruit by GTK
15 Nov 2002, 9:01 AM
Not really my Bacon Sandwich,
You irritate me because i think
you could do so much better, dont refrain from expression its like a dogs ass sniffing its nose, poets are lost but their poems are found.
fuck it I'm cliche crazy today = have a 6 its friday
You irritate me because i think
you could do so much better, dont refrain from expression its like a dogs ass sniffing its nose, poets are lost but their poems are found.
fuck it I'm cliche crazy today = have a 6 its friday
It sounds like a middle piece lacking a beginning and an end, you normally set the scene so pictorially and it was only a drag of a cuban rather than the full George Burns. Work on it, give it more oooomphhh. ( vote holded for moment )