| Re: Night-mare by INTRANSIT |
21-Nov-02/3:25 AM |
This isn't as thought provoking and evocative as Dale, though I compare unfairly, I always find your work interesting and this is good but it needs something more. I feel this is a more emotional voyeuristic effort rather than stright from the heart.
It sounds like a middle piece lacking a beginning and an end, you normally set the scene so pictorially and it was only a drag of a cuban rather than the full George Burns. Work on it, give it more oooomphhh. ( vote holded for moment )
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| Re: The Trail by ThoughtfulSoul |
20-Nov-02/5:41 AM |
is this finished? its not a poem and as a piece of literature its woefully uninspiring.
Keep on writing though, you can do it
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| Re: The Trail by ThoughtfulSoul |
20-Nov-02/5:41 AM |
is this finished? its not a poem and as a piece of literature its woefully uninspiring.
Keep on writing though, you can do it
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| Re: When It's All Over by BUFFY0BSESSED |
20-Nov-02/4:53 AM |
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No offence intended but it goes on a bit and becomes tedious as you keep making the same point, and the point in which your making is not sold poignantly enough for it to move me.
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| Re: Bastard Of The Bastard by Bachus |
19-Nov-02/10:07 AM |
Filled with vitriol, and talk about a memorable last line.
Can we expect a sequel?
nice job
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| Re: Sisters in Disquise by confuzdlilgirl |
19-Nov-02/8:24 AM |
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pretty good CLG, but check paragraphs 2/4 for errors as it kills the vibe your trying to emanate
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| Re: Summer Repose by jdsnyd |
19-Nov-02/8:17 AM |
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Nicely Constructed, philosophical, liked the line 'too content in the moment'
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| Re: missing you by Goose |
19-Nov-02/8:15 AM |
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| Re: a comment on The Breathing Dead by Caducus |
19-Nov-02/3:47 AM |
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Thanks, your observation was right and i have edited it, and i think it reads better now.
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| Re: My love for another. by cleverdevice |
19-Nov-02/3:42 AM |
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Just like I was there, you shouls be proud of this one.
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| Re: yellow verse by daniella |
19-Nov-02/3:04 AM |
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| Re: a comment on The Breathing Dead by Caducus |
19-Nov-02/1:47 AM |
pillar wa smeant - thanks,
however you got me thinking tears are made of salt , hmmmm
nah your right i'll change it
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| Re: I'm a homicidal kind of guy (spoof of every 'down-home' song you've ever heard) by Yardbird |
18-Nov-02/6:07 AM |
I think N'sync should sing it, then you pet that ppk out and whack em !
Full marks my psychotic prince
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| Re: Broken Glass by Sugarbbybuttrfly |
18-Nov-02/4:46 AM |
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Kep hoping for that killer line, add more sarcasm and venom, as a man I'm interested in knowing how the perpertrator affected the perpetrated. It didnt deliver enough as a poem but as a song maybe. *5*
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| Re: I Begged by abbaslittleclingon |
18-Nov-02/3:12 AM |
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Have an 8 Its a beautifully written piece loved the tree thing, and the way you told it hit me hard.
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| Re: I Cry by casey |
18-Nov-02/3:08 AM |
Good title, even better with a 2nd read.
nice one !
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| Re: Determination by Birdman42s |
15-Nov-02/9:20 AM |
deserves to be more read
well done man
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| Re: Thawed by Roisin |
15-Nov-02/9:18 AM |
thanks i enjoyed reading your shit
7 again
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| Re: The heart of self destruction by Roisin |
15-Nov-02/9:17 AM |
'the faceless assassin of her heart' that did it for me - 7
well done indeed and i'm in a bad mood
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| Re: Forbidden fruit by GTK |
15-Nov-02/9:01 AM |
Not really my Bacon Sandwich,
You irritate me because i think
you could do so much better, dont refrain from expression its like a dogs ass sniffing its nose, poets are lost but their poems are found.
fuck it I'm cliche crazy today = have a 6 its friday
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