DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Night-mare

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Nov 2002 · Edited 20 Nov 2002 · 17 comments

It used to be her and Contradiction. Then there was Romance. A window in time is closing and she feels sexy in Victorias secret. Tonight, she slips into satin and tears.

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 2.50 weighted 4.70 rank 11961 views 240 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

17 comments

[4] daniella 20-Nov-02/6:14 PM Reply

did she want to shop at target and got there late without a date?

[8] Bachus 20-Nov-02/8:04 PM Reply

i once stole a mannequin.

[n/a] <~> 20-Nov-02/8:20 PM Reply

this feels like clumsily-aimed cruelty. perhaps you will say it is brutal honesty, with a modicum of compassion. but i don't feel it. it is outside of you, and you are trying too hard to get in. false.

[n/a] <~> › <~> 20-Nov-02/8:24 PM Reply

duo was better by far. because there was a thirst driving it, and passion in it.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 20-Nov-02/8:29 PM Reply

I do seem to write better when I'm emotionally impaired?

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 20-Nov-02/8:34 PM Reply

I was going for an unfaithful girlfriend that expected boy to be faithful. Then a second girl "stole"him. limited time to correct.Her name is victoria and the same femme guile she used, she lost to as well as fragrances for women. How far off?

[n/a] <~> › INTRANSIT 20-Nov-02/8:38 PM Reply

___________________________________________________________________________________this far.
i get: washed-up ex-beauty stooping to Target, and used to think VS was top-o-the-line. sad.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 20-Nov-02/8:46 PM Reply

I dun fuuuuuuuucked UP!

[n/a] <~> › INTRANSIT 20-Nov-02/8:49 PM Reply

no. i miss things. somebody else might get it 110%

[n/a] ecargo › INTRANSIT 20-Nov-02/8:46 PM Reply

I'm not getting the story--what was the contradiction? And the romance?

Howsabout:
The target window closes
slowly, and she feels sexy
in Victoria's secret.
Tonight she slips
into satin and tears.

Looking at it sideways--umm, I dunno. My line breaks are very literal. It's my gift and my curse.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › ecargo 20-Nov-02/8:50 PM Reply

The contradiction is a fragrance and woman#1 expecting her beau to be faithful while she wasn't. Romance: Fragrance and woman#2 This hs nothing to do with target stores. Obviously that must go.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 20-Nov-02/8:26 PM Reply

I have all the info i want in it. I dont like my line breaks though. Not cruelty. Definitely outside of me as I'm male,points for trying?

[n/a] <~> › INTRANSIT 20-Nov-02/8:34 PM Reply

points for trying. show your wife. ask her. tehn write another. homework assignment #1.

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 20-Nov-02/8:41 PM Reply

Clarifying: Another under same idea?

[n/a] INTRANSIT › <~> 20-Nov-02/9:03 PM Reply

I agree, fuckit. I'm too tired to care right now anyway. gotta move some fuckin fords.

[n/a] Caducus 21-Nov-02/3:25 AM Reply

This isn't as thought provoking and evocative as Dale, though I compare unfairly, I always find your work interesting and this is good but it needs something more. I feel this is a more emotional voyeuristic effort rather than stright from the heart.
It sounds like a middle piece lacking a beginning and an end, you normally set the scene so pictorially and it was only a drag of a cuban rather than the full George Burns. Work on it, give it more oooomphhh. ( vote holded for moment )

[8] Jill Stockinger 1-Jan-21/12:08 PM Reply

I like the mystery and suggestion in this. I see her tears as maybe
indicating she feels she is getting older, less lovely with the passage of time. (A window in time is closing).