Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

I Begged (Free verse) by abbaslittleclingon
I preferred to sleep beneath warm sand than hope in vain you hold my hand, To grow upon a budding tree than face the eyes beholding me. Floating upon the waves at sea are ashes that were once called me, I chose to be one with quiet air than interact with naught to share. I begged of the trees to shelter me the leaves only shook as they laughed at me, I tried to hide in a mountain cave the mountain bid me find my grave. I looked to the sun that I might be warmed the sun mocked whilst instead it harmed. My soul now floats to distant lands being always welcomed in the sand, The world which scorned won't understand that I am the mind of whom they banned. I am the flowers upon the trees I am the fragrant air they breathe, I am the roaring waves perceived I am the ashes tossed at sea. I am the essence of despair become the beauty everywhere, I am the sleep beneath the sand in case you need a helping hand.

Up the ladder: Your Guiding Light
Down the ladder: The Good Ones always leave

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.9403987
Overall Rank: 9031
Posted: November 17, 2002 1:49 PM PST; Last modified: November 17, 2002 1:49 PM PST
View voting details
Comments:
[5] god'swife @ 209.179.210.134 | 17-Nov-02/4:18 PM | Reply
The whole beneath warm sand thing makes this less than it should be. ALso line 5 needs to be refinished. It starts out fine but the end fall short with the repetition of the word 'me'
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > god'swife | 18-Nov-02/6:45 AM | Reply
i agree. you lose the mystic of it with the last line. the transfiguration of the end to the beginning, of death to life--it's beautiful done. but the last line is cheap. think harder. write a more fiting conclusion.
[8] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 18-Nov-02/3:12 AM | Reply
Have an 8 Its a beautifully written piece loved the tree thing, and the way you told it hit me hard.
126 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001