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I Begged (Free verse) by abbaslittleclingon
I preferred to sleep beneath warm sand than hope in vain you hold my hand, To grow upon a budding tree than face the eyes beholding me. Floating upon the waves at sea are ashes that were once called me, I chose to be one with quiet air than interact with naught to share. I begged of the trees to shelter me the leaves only shook as they laughed at me, I tried to hide in a mountain cave the mountain bid me find my grave. I looked to the sun that I might be warmed the sun mocked whilst instead it harmed. My soul now floats to distant lands being always welcomed in the sand, The world which scorned won't understand that I am the mind of whom they banned. I am the flowers upon the trees I am the fragrant air they breathe, I am the roaring waves perceived I am the ashes tossed at sea. I am the essence of despair become the beauty everywhere, I am the sleep beneath the sand in case you need a helping hand.

Up the ladder: Your Guiding Light
Down the ladder: The Good Ones always leave

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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.. 10
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.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
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.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 4.5
Weighted score: 4.9403987
Overall Rank: 9036
Posted: November 17, 2002 1:49 PM PST; Last modified: November 17, 2002 1:49 PM PST
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Comments:
[5] god'swife @ 209.179.210.134 | 17-Nov-02/4:18 PM | Reply
The whole beneath warm sand thing makes this less than it should be. ALso line 5 needs to be refinished. It starts out fine but the end fall short with the repetition of the word 'me'
[n/a] <~> @ 167.206.181.179 > god'swife | 18-Nov-02/6:45 AM | Reply
i agree. you lose the mystic of it with the last line. the transfiguration of the end to the beginning, of death to life--it's beautiful done. but the last line is cheap. think harder. write a more fiting conclusion.
[8] Caducus @ 62.105.88.10 | 18-Nov-02/3:12 AM | Reply
Have an 8 Its a beautifully written piece loved the tree thing, and the way you told it hit me hard.
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