Re: Poetic Blue Justice by Dovina |
21-Nov-08/8:41 AM |
Like the meter and form and that S1 and S6 begin and conclude with the message .....
Cant help feeling this is a sandwich though without the filling.
Like: leather gloves, handicap blue, lost a leg - more of the character you serve up good images but too sporadically.
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Re: Anorexia is good for the soul by hobojo |
21-Nov-08/8:38 AM |
L9-10 I think could be one line 'I'm full on empty'
The opening 4-7 lines are strongest, not convinced ont he title but like the idea of making a statement to the boys but it needs something more on that as it could be ? reason for why she/he is starving themselves.
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Re: Aeroplanes and goslings by Caducus |
2-Apr-08/11:11 AM |
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Re: Go Ahead by makelovenotwar |
21-Dec-07/3:36 AM |
As appealing as britneys hole.
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Re: Broken by makelovenotwar |
21-Dec-07/3:34 AM |
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Re: This Poetry Thing by LynnJR |
21-Dec-07/3:34 AM |
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Re: Nine by MacFrantic |
21-Dec-07/3:33 AM |
Goes on a bit but how it all connects stanza to stanza plus the fact that it engaged me has to be thumbs up and not two fingers.
Reads well.
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Re: Portsmouth Belle 5 by Garrett S Sexton |
21-Dec-07/3:31 AM |
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Re: I'm in love by nicole081083 |
21-Dec-07/3:25 AM |
Very generic and exclusive for two. It totally lacks originality and rhyming does not validate it as a poem.
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Re: The Least of These by Dovina |
21-Dec-07/3:23 AM |
5th Stanza will court controversy and as its an opinion of the writers you may be asked by some to elaborate on it. Like baby in the hay but dont like sickly kids in....
Line 2 needs to end with - is, or a link to next line.
I think you can say this shorter with more impact and leave out your thoughts and write from a neutral ground.
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Re: Milk and gas by Caducus |
15-Dec-07/2:29 AM |
As many will guess, this is my take on the demise of Sylvia Plath
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Re: Suicide Note(I Blame You) by alvinb |
14-Dec-07/5:36 AM |
you write with the same flaws i did years ago and need a well intentioned critique.
First off your opening is attention grabbing and you have a skill for meter and not verbose. It also looks like you keep focus throughout the poem yet the subject is so overdone and done better that you're setting yourself up for a fall.
Try and be cryptic, creative, show dont tell. Someone on here once tore me to shreds and rightfully so, I got all defensive until i realized i was defending a poor standard of work. Dont get me wrong the critic was a bit of a knob (poetandknowit) but they knew good from bad and if you learn where your work is weak you could be credible.
Go to the bottom of my profile, read an old poem and compare it to one now. 3-4 years makes a big difference IF you take suggestions on board.
This site was my first and writers then like tintagiles, intransit, gods wife horus and christof are a good starting school for style, substance and a love for this old dog poetry.
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Re: The bakers wife by Caducus |
14-Dec-07/1:29 AM |
A draft at the mo, any ideas?
Kind of inspired by gods wifes poem bread and oranges plus a brutal scene from the tudors.
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Re: Engine Braking by INTRANSIT |
11-Dec-07/4:52 AM |
Artic freeze so to speak. Dealing with Class I drivers I usually imagine what they get up to when they aint trunking.
Cool poem, unlike your journeys - short.
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Re: Crotchety Old Geezer by Dovina |
11-Dec-07/4:48 AM |
geezer - Englands best export
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Re: a comment on Easter Egg Hunt by Dovina |
11-Dec-07/4:47 AM |
likewise but plaudits to Dovina for making us feel like twats lol
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Re: The Book of Images by Dovina |
11-Dec-07/4:45 AM |
back savouring this again, it gets better each time i read it.
Merry X.
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Re: Her name was Marjorie Harper by Caducus |
20-Oct-07/10:54 AM |
Bloody hell. you know you've done ok when rockmage gives a 10. thanks (not for the score but for the :)
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Re: While waiting for someone to check in my cars by INTRANSIT |
17-Oct-07/1:34 AM |
Sweet. The seperation of adult responsibility and childhood innocence all linked by flesh until the teddy is subtle yet leaves me wanting those good ole 'stand by me' river phoenix days back.
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Re: 1765: The Coventry Hangings by Caducus |
5-Sep-07/5:27 AM |
oh and 'coventry blue' was the colour renowned that coventry weavers produced until the early 20th century.
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