| Re: 1765: The Coventry Hangings by Caducus |
5-Sep-07/5:26 AM |
Pippin and cofa are indiginous trees of coventry 'cofa tree' was where coventry derived.
After these hangings they were treated to a coating of hot tar and left to rot for 35 years - Coventry justice has never been the same since lol.
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| Re: a comment on Confetti by Caducus |
5-Sep-07/5:24 AM |
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Nice one Rich I'll make the changes and add em to the tetto site. How's the HIAB?
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| Re: Confetti by Caducus |
30-Aug-07/8:23 AM |
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rough draft about a father changing once he marries someone new, could do with a handhere guys any help appreciated.
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| Re: a comment on Final Moon by Caducus |
13-May-07/11:46 AM |
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I meant clinical, its an end of the affair thing. The last line is the awareness its over
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| Re: a comment on An Ode To My Dead Husband Bert by Edna Sweetlove |
1-Sep-06/7:24 AM |
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| Re: An Ode To My Dead Husband Bert by Edna Sweetlove |
1-Sep-06/7:23 AM |
Bert sounds like a man my Aunt married.
Gratuitously gross
well done
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| Re: On returning to a town where I used to live by Nicholas Jones |
24-Aug-06/1:23 AM |
Strong and well crafted opening. This reminded me of Larkin's earlier works in his Juvenilia poems chronicling coventry in a repugnant light and the sense of sadness that his birthplace was decaying.
Its an excellent piece with an assertive voice and deserves praise.
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| Re: A Tragic Love Tryst In The Park Near The Sewage Works by Edna Sweetlove |
24-Aug-06/1:19 AM |
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| Re: The Breathing Dead by Caducus |
18-Aug-06/6:35 AM |
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how the fuck did this shite turn up on the best list - someone get it down
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| Re: August 23, 1944 - 102 miles west of Paris by Ranger |
16-Aug-06/2:46 AM |
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| Re: Children of Wolves by Caducus |
5-Aug-06/1:43 AM |
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Anyone read Birthday letters?
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| Re: a comment on Here's your God by Caducus |
2-Aug-06/1:22 AM |
cataracts silver = moon gold = sun
constant blindness
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| Re: Here's your God by Caducus |
1-Aug-06/5:33 AM |
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| Re: a comment on The Lonesome Loser by Dovina |
31-Jul-06/1:37 AM |
Dovina
this user called friend has been stalking certain people atoning comments they didnt like on their own work. In some kitchen, somewhere in the world their is a bunny simmering and possibly a zit ridden teen sticking pins in us lol.
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| Re: a comment on 08:12AM Hiroshima by Caducus |
27-Jul-06/6:42 AM |
OMD, Aztec camera, fun boy 3 and lloyd cole and the commotions made me the sullen guy i am today.
Oh forget the smiths too.
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| Re: a comment on 08:12AM Hiroshima by Caducus |
27-Jul-06/5:02 AM |
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changed it slightly but still in that trap you dont like
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| Re: I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta |
21-Jul-06/2:02 AM |
Here's an example creating more of a controlled meter, a touch of metaphor yet retaining what you implied in the original.
If you want to change the following stanzas give it a go, the flow and line meter alone can do wonders to the readability and general impresson a poem can give. You have the whimsical vibe and portray things nice enough its just the control you kinda lose.
sitting at the wheel.
rain clouds storm heaven
trees arch like a whores back,
with electric veins and drums
Heâs there in my vehicle
an observant kindly instructor,
Watching my every move,
eyes fixed on the road
he commandsâ¦
âLeft indicator,
brakes a little,
clutch and first gear,
move on slowly⦠hump ahead
press the clutch and shift to two,
accelerate a bit,
if youâre confident, shift your gears to three
and speed onâ.
And so I do. I shift to the fourth,
speed away,
ever confident that I know it all
and forgets heâs there.
The thrill of being in control
envelopes my senses.
Iâm transferred to a world of my own,
till I come to a junction;
the rainâs pouring down
and I donât know how to stop,
when he suddenly presses
the brakes..
and then I realize
heâs got the controls
on his side too,
and Iâm saved in the nick of time.
Lord, how could I forget
Youâre in control of my life?
Iâm glad you are.
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| Re: I'm Learning To Drive by amanda_dcosta |
21-Jul-06/1:53 AM |
The images are conjured vividly and the stronger opening helps. The ending was a bit of a letdown as I got the impression throughout that this was going to be a chilled out poem about driving around in the elements and in the end i think you xcranked the gears and spun out out control (pardon the cheesy pun).
If you made this about six or so lines shorter it could be a really cool piece.
Dont get me wrong its good, worth a 7 or 8 in my opinion but not the finished piece it could be.
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| Re: a comment on Lovers east of the Coombe by Caducus |
28-Jun-06/1:51 AM |
A bough abloom from autumns tomb -
they are staring at the birth of seasons from the tomb of seasons - the ground of leaves and spines.
Autumn only really makes its point in the last line, first the clearing of blossom and then the tomb of leaves on her tomb. Her autumn was in the woon (dwelling) where sadly they never got chance to dwell (a bit like blossom)
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| Re: My secret to life by amanda_dcosta |
23-Jun-06/1:37 AM |
typo - by-pass
not bad, I like the occasional rhyme and the fact you wrote what followed on well as opposed to rhyme overdose.
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