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On returning to a town where I used to live

Member since 2002 · Posted 22 Aug 2006 · 7 comments

Not much has changed, really, and what has changed has not changed much. But I remember the tiny details of the place Nuances of the streets and my memories And so I notice the small differences Like there is a Starbucks now Making here more like everywhere else. But oh! the light! the same light Same streets five years away Rejoice! Light refracts from stone and seawater, Castle and cathedral Clouds and headland To create atmosphere. I remember now This return is not as weird As I had imagined.

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7 votes so far. Yours would make 8.7 votes so far

7 comments

[10] Caducus 24-Aug-06/1:23 AM Reply

Strong and well crafted opening. This reminded me of Larkin's earlier works in his Juvenilia poems chronicling coventry in a repugnant light and the sense of sadness that his birthplace was decaying.

Its an excellent piece with an assertive voice and deserves praise.

[10] Ranger 26-Aug-06/2:36 AM Reply

Wow, this damn near blew me away. Absolute killer opening, and the final two lines clinched it almost perfectly (I'd have preferred 'strange' instead of 'weird' - in keeping with the slightly traditional feel). Two other suggestions - line 7 is a bit bulky. In my opinion it would read better as simply 'Like the Starbucks'. Also, line 9 - I wouldn't bother with the first exclamation mark, just 'But oh - the light! The same light' appears better to me.
This really shouldn't detract, though, from what is otherwise a fantastic piece of poetry.

[n/a] Nicholas Jones › Ranger 26-Aug-06/4:20 AM Reply

Thank you to both of you for your kind comments. If you're interested, the town in question is St. Andrews in Scotland, where I was a student for four years. I went there a few months ago for a job interview, I hadn't been back since I graduated five years ago. And the thing that struck me really was the way the light is affected by the sea and the old stone buildings. I wrote the first draft of this in the little B&B where I was staying.

I didn't get the bloody job though.

[10] Ranger › Nicholas Jones 26-Aug-06/4:35 AM Reply

Can't truthfully claim to have ever been to St. Andrews - but having read this I don't think I need to ;-)
I wonder if I'll feel this way about Cardiff when I leave the place. Much as I love it, I think that may be a long shot...

[2] Edna Sweetlove 10-Dec-06/11:15 AM Reply

If this is poetry I am a Chinaman

[2] nentwined › Edna Sweetlove 15-Feb-07/6:05 PM Reply

Oh, it's poetry. It's poetry, and so is every other shite posted on this site (or nearly?).

I wouldn't begin to try to guess how many nationalities you hide behind. ;)

[2] nentwined 15-Feb-07/6:04 PM Reply

"I remember the tiny details of the place" is a decent hook (as in, start there), but you need to follow with actual details, or contrast it with something that tells the lie.

You've told me something, vague, and I don't believe you. An extra point for Starbucks, vile corporation that they may be, because I've always wanted to watch Battlestar Galactica, and I could use some coffee.