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Confetti (Free verse) by Caducus I held confetti
how I used to hold your finger
when your arms were my loom,
a hundred burials ago.
Your groom smile greeting,
killed me.
It killed your little girl.
Making me bury you on your wedding day,
with a nine year old girl and her brother
that you once held like her,
and now unfurled, as daughters confetti.
I held my husband
how you used to grip my finger
and I cry in his arms
how I did in yours
a hundred burials ago.
Up the ladder:
true love
Down the ladder:
Holy Spirit - A Tanka Poem
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: August 30, 2007 8:21 AM PDT; Last modified: August 30, 2007 8:21 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.0794687 Overall Rank: 6396 Comments:
[n/a]
Caducus @ 80.229.129.138
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30-Aug-07/8:23 AM
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Reply
rough draft about a father changing once he marries someone new, could do with a handhere guys any help appreciated.
[9]
INTRANSIT @ 65.29.52.204
> Caducus
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30-Aug-07/3:47 PM
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Reply
Gimme a minute, we can work this.
Thanks for your patience, C. I'm glad I waited because originally i thought you'd overshot your target. After coming back I see " a little bit of history repeating".
I like this and I think it's all there. My nits would be: unfurled- bugs me, but I see the rhyme. Could you merge lines 7 and 9? And -loom. again I see the rhyme but it just sounds awkward to me. Three generations?
Nice one Rich I'll make the changes and add em to the tetto site. How's the HIAB?
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