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Lovers east of the Coombe (Free verse) by Caducus
West of the Coombe we lay at peace in a loom in May. A bough abloom from Autumn’s tomb soon will blow away. North of the Abbey we roamed, through blossom of crabtree we combed. The sky that bellowed, its eye that yellowed brought what’s only loaned. South of the woon she ailed. Her mouth from the moonlight paled, no words were uttered yet something was stuttered then eyes and lashes were veiled. East of the Coombe she sleeps close to the bracken that weeps, when the Crab tree cowers She’s dressed in flowers Until the wind of Autumn reaps.

Up the ladder: Sins of convenience
Down the ladder: Harp Song of the Prawne Men

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.2
Weighted score: 5.2622466
Overall Rank: 3992
Posted: June 27, 2006 4:30 AM PDT; Last modified: June 27, 2006 4:30 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Dovina @ 70.38.78.229 | 27-Jun-06/4:45 PM | Reply
Could call it a limerick, except that most of those are light, insulting, or funny. This isn't.

The blooming bough from Autumn's tomb escapes me; and how is a bough blown away except in strong wind. Maybe the crabtree of verse 3 could work in here. But is that a Crab tree? You bring the Autumn back, why not the tree?

The last two lines are great.
[n/a] Caducus @ 86.141.200.125 > Dovina | 28-Jun-06/1:51 AM | Reply
A bough abloom from autumns tomb -

they are staring at the birth of seasons from the tomb of seasons - the ground of leaves and spines.

Autumn only really makes its point in the last line, first the clearing of blossom and then the tomb of leaves on her tomb. Her autumn was in the woon (dwelling) where sadly they never got chance to dwell (a bit like blossom)
[9] Ranger @ 81.152.176.220 | 28-Jun-06/2:22 PM | Reply
Great use of the limerick format for something beautiful. I think Dovina's got a point regarding the logic in here - the bough itself doesn't blow away. You could easily get round it by making that line refer to the leaves, perhaps "A bough's gold bloom". This is pretty damn gorgeous though.
[9] amanda_dcosta @ 202.164.138.126 | 30-Jun-06/9:20 AM | Reply
Lovely imagery.
[9] ecargo @ 63.22.18.184 | 2-Jul-06/12:17 PM | Reply
The melancholy of this overcomes the limerick rhythm--it shouldn't work, but it does. Last stanza's my favorite.
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