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Lovers east of the Coombe (Free verse) by Caducus West of the Coombe we lay
at peace in a loom in May.
A bough abloom
from Autumnâs tomb
soon will blow away.
North of the Abbey we roamed,
through blossom of crabtree we combed.
The sky that bellowed,
its eye that yellowed
brought whatâs only loaned.
South of the woon she ailed.
Her mouth from the moonlight paled,
no words were uttered
yet something was stuttered
then eyes and lashes were veiled.
East of the Coombe she sleeps
close to the bracken that weeps,
when the Crab tree cowers
Sheâs dressed in flowers
Until the wind of Autumn reaps.
Up the ladder:
Sidestepping Stupor
Down the ladder:
Come Home Soon
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.2
Posted: June 27, 2006 4:30 AM PDT; Last modified: June 27, 2006 4:30 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.2622466 Overall Rank: 3987 Comments:
Great use of the limerick format for something beautiful. I think Dovina's got a point regarding the logic in here - the bough itself doesn't blow away. You could easily get round it by making that line refer to the leaves, perhaps "A bough's gold bloom". This is pretty damn gorgeous though.
Lovely imagery.
The melancholy of this overcomes the limerick rhythm--it shouldn't work, but it does. Last stanza's my favorite.
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The blooming bough from Autumn's tomb escapes me; and how is a bough blown away except in strong wind. Maybe the crabtree of verse 3 could work in here. But is that a Crab tree? You bring the Autumn back, why not the tree?
The last two lines are great.
they are staring at the birth of seasons from the tomb of seasons - the ground of leaves and spines.
Autumn only really makes its point in the last line, first the clearing of blossom and then the tomb of leaves on her tomb. Her autumn was in the woon (dwelling) where sadly they never got chance to dwell (a bit like blossom)