Re: where to go by AskittlesK	11-Jul-05/9:25 PM
Wow, this is wild...I like the night, the dark, the moon...I like the wildness of night breezes, and shifting clouds. But I suspect you speak of another kind of darkness, here. Yes, the sun...they say it is nearly as affective as meds, for depression. I love the ending line. Abrupt. nice job.
Re: glimpses by nentwined	11-Jul-05/9:21 PM
oh, man...sheesh...okay...yeah...got me in the gut....Very good...very good indeed. First read tonight..sheesh.
Re: Sleep does my eyes by nentwined	11-Jul-05/9:37 AM
Sounds like some lyrics I have read...They make good money...Could fly...yeah...sure...would like to here the music to it, though...
Re: angst by nentwined	11-Jul-05/9:34 AM
WOO-WOOO-HOOOOO!!!! *CLAP* CLAP..CLAP..CLAP!!!!! bRAVO..BRAVO...TAKE A BOW!...(flings her red panties to the man in black attire...since they match the blood he's spewing!)I said I'd never give a ten...I lied...You got one!
Re: My Reason For Love by Miggy	11-Jul-05/9:32 AM
just...Just...this song was Just too full of Justs...I believe this is called a "pimple" poem, or lyric, as it were...juvenile piece that may apeal to those around 14 years of age...good luck with your writing...keep trying!
Re: Lonely Tears by broken_wing11	11-Jul-05/9:25 AM
sigh...parts are good, and with some cleaning up maybe this could be something better...the last four lines were the worst.
Re: A Moment in Time by nentwined	11-Jul-05/9:23 AM
Some might say it's alittle on the gushy side...but I like it! Kinda hypnotic...and that fits the piece...plus...a kindred spirit I find, writing those words. Dominant minds...hmm...responsibility comes with it. Lover's kiss of rain...beautifully erotic and rather sensual piece in an intellectual way....yes...I like it. 9 again.
Re: appropriation by nentwined	11-Jul-05/9:17 AM
Truly...what do we have that is really our own? Do we not all feast upon tidbits and morseld, ingest it all, until it all mingles and becomes part of who we are...and then purge ourselves of it all upon the page? gave it a 9.
Re: my hunger has become a hunger for revenge by nentwined	11-Jul-05/9:10 AM
LMAO...funny little piece...needs some cleaning up though...May I offer you a napkin? A period here or there, a capital here and there...but a fun read.
Re: comment-ary by nentwined	11-Jul-05/9:07 AM
hmmm...would like to peer in and see the rest...be a fly on the wall of your mind, go around the corner and watch from the shadows. And I am not usually much of a voyuer...voyeur...voyeuor...*shoot! (However you spell it!)..or am I? Are we all? Here peering into the minds, souls, and thoughts, that are annonomously (?!SP!) bared to the public for view...
Re: Not All Scars by coffeeangel316	11-Jul-05/9:02 AM
...someone gimme a rope...ugh...this was...uhm...keep writing...maybe time will do something.
Re: I Can Write A Wrong, But I Can't Right A Poem by horus8	11-Jul-05/9:00 AM
LMAO...AWESOME...Woo-Hoo...What a strange and comical tid-bit of diabolical fun!
Re: dit da haiku by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:18 AM
*smirk...hmmm....
Re: overwhelmed by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:10 AM
Again no capitalization! Every single little thing in perfect place, and yet, no capitalization! Fix (or get over your aversion to) capitalization...and then submit your stuff! I have read enough to be of the opinion that you should submit for publication...no editor needed! (EXCEPT the lack of capitalization!) 9 again...waiting for that impossible chance to say "10!"
Re: paint me a poem (try 2) by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:06 AM
WOO-HOO! *clap *clap...take a bow! (Except...don't capitalizations count for anything? If you used punctuation, then why not capital letters?) Gave you a nine anyway....I don't give 10's...at least not yet!
Re: the room's a'spinnin' by nentwined	11-Jul-05/8:01 AM
LOL...cute!
Re: Take Four by NanceXToo	11-Jul-05/8:00 AM
LOL....funny...tragic...glaringly naked...and refreshingly honest, albiet cynical...and a little scary. Very good! Gave it a 9...are you sure You are not the perfectionist? LOL!
Re: mental collides by nentwined	11-Jul-05/7:54 AM
This made me chuckle...clever. I am undecided about the ending "not yet." Not sure if I would have put that in or dropped it. I love your style...how format follows the thought trippingly along...I just love it! (and I can be quite a critical _itch!)LOL.
Re: Roundabout by nentwined	11-Jul-05/7:44 AM
No capitalization, no sentence structure...so why use periods?! I would drop them. Use puncutaion throughout, or don't use it at all... Dissonance? as in:> the opposite of harmony, discord, disagreement, conflict, difference, or difference of opinion? (Is that the word you intended to use?...Just wondering.) The only glaring change I would make would be to put "warming our body" together in one line, then "and pushing the mind into" in the next line.(maybe even drop the "and") (As it is, seems like a typo, and put together it has more 'punch'.) here> "warming our body and pushing the mind into" ...and shouldn't it be bodies, since you are talking about a group...but maybe not perhaps, if you are collectively calling the group a body. Interesting poem...I like it, gave you a fairly high score for it, based on its content and imagery,though it has a few flaws.
Re: Apathy by nentwined	11-Jul-05/7:23 AM
ooo...I like this...there are a few places where the choice to break word flow/sentence/thought, within the lines, is strange to me... "Trust in one's own self opens eyes and grants power" About: "there's momentous" , think an "a" in there would be nice; especially since you use "on a flower". I admit that it is hard to use puncuation correctly, at times, especially with poems like this, that are freeflowing thoughts that lead into one another, often disconnected, but connected, depending on how it is read...that said, I believe the rule is: If you use puncuation, (You do) then use it throughout the piece, (You don't; I see commas, but no periods. I see sentences, I think, but it is not clear where they start and end. If this is intentional, then I would remove all punctuation, and let the reader flit along or float along unaided by punctuation. If you want things to read as a definitly defined thought or sentence, then use punctuation. The first three lines are exceptional!! The next three awesome, also! I love your word choices... >"gnoshing green leaves". Do some editing and I would be tempted to give it a 9...*smile*, as I don't give 10's.