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mental collides (Free verse) by nentwined
I woke up on this day (like any other day) with not a drizzle (of suspicion) clouding my sky; the mist was in (real, wet) but I was not afeared... (not afeared yet). I set about my (simple) tasks -- I won't describe ('less someone asks) ... let's just say nothing (all that) complicated. not yet. The complexity of (simple things) entwining (their simple designs): my life (a collection of) simple strings (come a ball of yarn) being tossed around (by kittens). With a momentary reprieve (balance granted) I might (just might) be able to grasp (the tiger's tail) and begin the climb (one string at a time) to its head. not yet.

Up the ladder: on the edge of creation
Down the ladder: Memory

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Arithmetic Mean: 6.882353
Weighted score: 6.8817215
Overall Rank: 257
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:18 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:18 AM PST
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nentwined

Comments:
[5] deleted user @ | 7-May-02/5:18 AM | Reply
I don't quite see the direction this one is going in.
[10] -=SeTTle=- @ 63.214.120.121 | 10-Jul-02/2:51 PM | Reply
Wow looks like I've influenced you quite a bit. Good work. This poem is great, I liked it a lot. It demonstrates and illustrates a feeling which can't be demonstrated directly, the sort of hazyness that is paired with thoughts of this nature. I would like it if it was a bit clearer - the "not yet" carries some weight but not quite enough. On the other had, the "not yet" is good since it doesn't bring any other entities into play, it simply marks one's place in time. I'd have investigated something more externally verbal, like "wait for it", that is, if I wrote this sort of poetry.
[9] LilMsLadyPoet @ 152.163.100.135 | 11-Jul-05/7:54 AM | Reply
This made me chuckle...clever. I am undecided about the ending "not yet." Not sure if I would have put that in or dropped it.
I love your style...how format follows the thought trippingly along...I just love it! (and I can be quite a critical _itch!)LOL.
[0] conny lingers @ 127.0.0.1 | 2-Feb-21/9:15 AM | Reply
More brackets than I have piles.
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