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on the edge of creation (Free verse) by nentwined A goal
heightens the senses
and the mind (sometimes to distraction);
distraction from the consensual reality
can lead to visions (thoughts, ideas)
and baseless knowledge (like God)
My mountaintop springs forth in pixels and people,
my fasting not deliberate but not the less for it:
I sit, hoping that the buzz of deerflies (how did they get to my
mountain?)
does not drain my soul (or my blood if I fail to attend them);
consensual reality screams, whines, cajoles, and THREATENS
for my ATTENTION
and I... I seek for visions.
One hundred days on the mountain,
I seek for visions, thoughts, ideas,
baseless knowledge,
to convey / with craft / to others.
Up the ladder:
Fighting before bed
Down the ladder:
mental collides
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.888889
Posted: September 17, 2003 7:52 AM PDT; Last modified: September 17, 2003 7:52 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.884218 Overall Rank: 256 Comments:
[n/a]
Geschäftsreise @ 164.67.82.153
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17-Sep-03/10:00 AM
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Reply
Gshcäft (Disguised as Deerfly): "and yet you skipped over my babelfish poetry?" :)
Good this,
Like the '/s' and the brackets, a worthwhile experiment with language.
thank you. I'm a big fond or parentheticals, and the /'s were "borrowed" from monsiour DeLacroix (they were bright and shiny and I could not resist!)
as a note, this is part of a "poem a day for 100 days" challenge. so if it's particularly lacking, that could be why. I'm posting the (probably 1/10 as things draw on) few that I think might have a chance at redemption.
I like this! Oakland eh? I was born in Sonoma and lived in Bodega Bay. :)
Hmm. Going back in--this could use some rhythm work. The deerflies are out of place. Though I still like most of it. That's certainly a bonus.
I really rather like this. Though the "(how did they get to my mountain)" I'm not sure about. Maybe break it into another line or something -- the rhythm seems off because that one line's so long.
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