Free verse № 101249
Fighting before bed
She said she'd surely sleep upset,
but I recalled she had that charming nature
which forgets
with ease a thoughtless epithet;
so I smirked a bit, I wagered
she would shortly sleep and not regret
crass nomenclature,
warm in our eiderdown plicature.
And she (all laugh and sidelong threat,)
replied a thousand years would not assuage her
ire â and yet
she seemed unsure and sleep-beset,
and lay against the wall, a shoulder
curved. I watched; and, mindful of the bet,
she smoldered,
pressed between the bed and molding,
until a line of weary fret
passed across her face â let sleep enfold her,
smoothed her, let
her be a childlike still coquette
who smiled then in her sleep, and did forget -
and so I woke her up and told her.
15 comments
I have one solitary gripe: The penultimate line.
The rhyme (...and did forget...) seems forced here. "And forgot" seems more natural although I understand sacrificing sense to sound. An awkward construction with an auxillary verb instead of a smoothe preterite seems out of place here.
However that sole fault is not reason enough not to give you a -10-
you need to maybe not use huge words together..
"crass nomenclature,
warm in our eiderdown plicature."
it really, really cuts up the flow. so there!
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