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Fighting before bed (Free verse) by zodiac

She said she'd surely sleep upset, but I recalled she had that charming nature which forgets with ease a thoughtless epithet; so I smirked a bit, I wagered she would shortly sleep and not regret crass nomenclature, warm in our eiderdown plicature. And she (all laugh and sidelong threat,) replied a thousand years would not assuage her ire – and yet she seemed unsure and sleep-beset, and lay against the wall, a shoulder curved. I watched; and, mindful of the bet, she smoldered, pressed between the bed and molding, until a line of weary fret passed across her face – let sleep enfold her, smoothed her, let her be a childlike still coquette who smiled then in her sleep, and did forget - and so I woke her up and told her.

Sasha 10-May-04/12:27 PM
A form all your own, elements of the interlocking Rubyat, the Terza Rima and so much else.

I have one solitary gripe: The penultimate line.

The rhyme (...and did forget...) seems forced here. "And forgot" seems more natural although I understand sacrificing sense to sound. An awkward construction with an auxillary verb instead of a smoothe preterite seems out of place here.

However that sole fault is not reason enough not to give you a -10-




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