DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

glimpses

Member since 2001 · Posted 21 Oct 2003 · 12 comments

Disposable needles in the evening, orange-bright for avoidance speak of dreams (avoided--injected--forgotten) Cold wind chills bones that think they're warm, and a smile rolls back into nothingness. At last the pain (life) and pleasure (life) blend, and she (for one moment) fears the confusion, then gives in-- she is gone. Pigeons nest against her body for some last vestige of warmth but leave in the silence of dawn. The city decomposes.

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29 votes so far. Yours would make 30.29 votes so far

A favorite of nentwined.

12 comments

[n/a] abecedarian 21-Oct-03/10:15 PM Reply

I like this poem in conjunction with "sitting on a cliff's edge". The fused energy feels similar somehow. Interesting. Like two people watching the same play from different angles.

[n/a] nentwined › abecedarian 22-Oct-03/5:26 AM Reply

thanks; I hadn't considered that at all. :) very interesting. I was certainly going for *something* with "The city/decomposes". Or a couple of things. Hadn't made the leap to post-apocalyptic.

[8] Shuushin 22-Oct-03/6:30 AM Reply

That second stanza in particular describes an old scene in a very fresh way; well done!

This use of the parenthetical gives it an interesting flavor - like building a language - or a mythology. I think it can easily be overdone though - you've kept on the inside of that.

bird leaves as she cools, the parallel with the decomposing city - nice.

[n/a] nentwined › Shuushin 22-Oct-03/6:56 AM Reply

You really know how to make a person feel good about their poems. Thank you. :)

[8] god'swife 22-Oct-03/10:48 AM Reply

Wow, good for you. Much more depth then I've seen from you before. Could you move the 1st stanza inbetween some of the others? I think the second stanza would do much better as teh first, nice strong intro.

[8] <~> 22-Oct-03/11:56 AM Reply

nice language, k.

you have managed to paint it without a tick on dr. carawax's list.

bueno.

[9] ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 22-Oct-03/4:02 PM Reply

Is it true that you are Rockmage's dad? I really liked his sculptures.

P.S.-9-

[n/a] nentwined › ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 22-Oct-03/4:07 PM Reply

relation goes the other way around. He does do some nice work. You should buy some. ;)

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › nentwined 22-Oct-03/4:13 PM Reply

Good God, man! If my Father knew I was running a Poetry-website, you may be certain that a well-embalmed Strap would be forging a path along my buttocks faster than you could say "Shrewsbury Gland". What times we live in; what horrid, horrid times.

[n/a] fuzzylogicisagimp › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 23-Oct-03/8:03 AM Reply

OMG LOL ASL?!

[10] Craychus 23-Oct-03/1:03 AM Reply

what rockmage said. heh. :)

[9] LilMsLadyPoet 11-Jul-05/9:21 PM Reply

oh, man...sheesh...okay...yeah...got me in the gut....Very good...very good indeed. First read tonight..sheesh.