A heart without keys

Member since 2002 · Posted 9 Nov 2003 · 11 comments

You are mine, Although you may not know it yet. Today, tomorrow, forever. You don't know how good it'll get. We're going somewhere together To enjoy azure seas. The swell of a small boat. The answer to your dreams. Crystal clear skies Honest open eyes, A heart without keys Fulfillment of your needs.

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39 votes so far. Yours would make 40.39 votes so far

A favorite of sk8rs_rule_all.

11 comments

[8] http://mulberryfairy 9-Nov-03/10:59 AM Reply

need an apostrophe in "we're" in stanza 2, line 1. I noticed how the first stanza was telling the "you" of the good to come, like the narrator was rescuing the "you", but then in the second stanza, it was apparent that the narrator, too, planned to get something out of the relationship when you wrote "and you there with me" instead of "and me there with you".
The last stanza seems to be about "you" again, because you say "fulfillment of your needs". This confusion added some depth to a title and subject that was dangerously close to the cliche. I wonder if you meant to do it, and if so, if you could make it more pronounced?

[n/a] sliver › http://mulberryfairy 9-Nov-03/11:03 AM Reply

Any better this way?

[8] http://mulberryfairy › sliver 9-Nov-03/12:35 PM Reply

Less cliche, yes, and more consistent, but I kind of liked the mystery of the inconsistency between verses.

[n/a] richa 9-Nov-03/1:14 PM Reply

Last line sounds a bit porn filmish.

[n/a] ==Doylum › richa 16-Dec-03/6:21 AM Reply

What are you on about? Porn filmish?
"Oh yes oh yes give it to me. Fulfill my needs"?
Or did you mean Porn-Flemish. As in a niche market fulfilling your needs

[0] horus8 10-Nov-03/2:13 AM Reply

I've read color printed hand folded scientology brochures with more promise.

[10] cuddlytiger17 12-May-04/6:38 PM Reply

I love your poetry so much. I'm a romantic and so much of your work just makes me feel all warm and mushy inside lol. This poem blends together so smoothly and creates this wonderful sensation of complete bliss. I love it!

[9] killingjuliet 30-May-04/11:31 PM Reply

simple and sweet

[10] donmiguel1960 22-Jun-04/7:13 AM Reply

an open heart, so few

[10] deleted user 13-Oct-05/5:29 PM Reply

Here ya go sliver...Another 10

[7] Jill Stockinger 2-Jan-21/6:51 PM Reply

I really liked the last 2 lines, like how it goes Against the common cliche of "key to my heart"