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glimpses (Free verse) by nentwined

Disposable needles in the evening, orange-bright for avoidance speak of dreams (avoided--injected--forgotten) Cold wind chills bones that think they're warm, and a smile rolls back into nothingness. At last the pain (life) and pleasure (life) blend, and she (for one moment) fears the confusion, then gives in-- she is gone. Pigeons nest against her body for some last vestige of warmth but leave in the silence of dawn. The city decomposes.

Shuushin 22-Oct-03/6:30 AM
That second stanza in particular describes an old scene in a very fresh way; well done!

This use of the parenthetical gives it an interesting flavor - like building a language - or a mythology. I think it can easily be overdone though - you've kept on the inside of that.

bird leaves as she cools, the parallel with the decomposing city - nice.




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