Re: a comment on Then what is the sleeve? by T. Jonathron Remp	27-Aug-07/10:46 AM
;)
Re: A Year Later (edited a bit) by Sasha	11-Jan-07/9:56 PM
I like this, but it needs a little cleaning up and seems too repetitive, to me.
Re: Brackish by <~>	11-Jan-07/9:43 PM
Pretty good. Needs cleaning up.
Re: a comment on Self Portrait by Dovina	11-Jan-07/9:29 PM
Ah, okay, it was a reference to God. (That's the problem with posting and voting first, before scrolling down...I say redundant things...oh well, at least you get my own uninfluenced thought at the time.
Re: Self Portrait by Dovina	11-Jan-07/9:26 PM
I like this... but wonder why you capitalized Potter and His. Perhaps as a reference to God or The creator? If so, then I wonder what/who the painter is? I think, if the God reference was on purpose, I like it without the reference, as it speaks to the differences and sameness of creators of art. But the descriptions are very tactile, but with a God reference it makes the potter and clay so much less tactile and rather illusive. That said, whichever way it is meant to be, it is pretty good and the last two lines very good.
Re: Bitter by Ranger	11-Jan-07/9:05 PM
Hi there....seems you have been as reclusive as I. I'm just back in, as well. I am glad I found something from you upon my return. Now for my honesty... The last line in s4 bugs me and doesn't work entirely. The caliber of the piece calls for something better there. The last line needs changing, IMO. Perhaps 'to die by love's decree', 'my eyes to never see' 'my love to never see' (or 'taste') or simply 'no road back to me' (which would put a rather melancholy note to the end, making one wonder if he truly distains her so and to imply an ever so slight longing and sadness.) You know I love your mind...this is fantastic and it shows your progress with rythm. I am also, as always, enchanted with the olde feel of these pieces. With this I see a more comfortable you going into a little darker place...you did it very well!
Re: a comment on Chord before the crescendo by Caducus	11-Jan-07/8:42 PM
LOL...Alchemy...Same vote...we agree again! And you should know my rule by now...I never look before I vote or post, only after. Dovina..."the boxed instrument burned." Why do you insist on literal and concrete, when this is piece is neither? Caducus, don't you DARE change this...the rest of us know what it means! (And, it is absolutely fantastic!
Re: Chord before the crescendo by Caducus	11-Jan-07/8:35 PM
Oh man! Excellent! Sheesh....applause, definitely. Take a bow...this is fantastic... way to go Caducus! This is hitting my favorite folder.
Re: The dancers by richa	11-Jan-07/8:29 PM
'in much the same way as they' needed tweaking, in my opinion. Wonderful, magical picture painted here...and so clearly, about an illusive subject. If you were a photographer you would have captured it on film. Very good!
Re: a comment on portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	11-Jan-07/8:00 PM
Oh, Crap! I am soooo sorry ALChemy, I was thinking of Zodiac when I posted the comment! If I knew you personally I would treat you to a fantastic steak dinner to make up that blunder of blunders! I know who you are and I am so sorry!(Profusely regretful...and as you know, I am rarely regretful and rarely profuse toward another:) Please accept my virtual steak and bottle of whatever pleases you, and know you have my respect. Zodiac...have your fun, as I know you will when you read the post. I insist- but remember, I told you to.
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	11-Jan-07/7:15 PM
I see you, Alchemy have not forgotten the one you were so venomous and combative toward...what, did you miss the sparring? It is rather amusing our scores matched...I am surprised. I do not know this person and this person does not know me. I logged on and searched my name...and at the top of the list was Alchemy mentioning me at this poem. digipoet...it was a nice entrance to find this poem. I disagree with dropping the entire last line. How about Safety, as the last word? something that wraps it all up and binds it together...no pun intended.
Re: portrait of powerlessness by digipoet	11-Jan-07/7:04 PM
I think spelling it out with sadism was too obvious, some other word or earlier phrase to indicate that type of relationship would have been more refined. But perhaps you wanted to be blunt and state the thing that it is...but then you lose the complexity of it and apply a label for it. Hello, everybody, I'm Back:) As per my way, I will vote, post and then go see what you all had to say about this little piece.
Re: A Perfectly Normal Man by Dovina	1-Oct-06/4:14 PM
So I take it all the lust you spoke of in the beginning lines, that he is feeling, has been denied? Then how can he respect you as 'a capable lover'...or are you not, with him, but he knows you are?...how?? The ending lines threw me. And this seems like a detatched person commenting...which seemed kinda creepy and manipulative...but that's just my feeling after reading it. Not sure what you meant with it...maybe just that.
Re: "Twee" by Ranger	1-Oct-06/4:04 PM
...Then we'll be a couple quite faint. ...Don't expect more than you ain't. LOL... Cute little ditty:)
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	1-Oct-06/3:37 PM
Least favorite line, for me, would have to be 'and lizards leaping like a joyful king." I have no idea why you stuck that in there. After reading all the indecition and comments about this piece, it seems clear you are not done with this, and aren't even sure where you are going, or what you are truly saying here. I am wondering why you didn't stick to the opening theme of you taking her there. Familiar to you, disliked by her. How it is through your eyes, and how it is seen through hers. I think that is where this meant to go...and then it got lost in all the descriptive phrases, along the way. I'll be interested to see where this ends up, in the end.
Re: a comment on Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	28-Sep-06/11:03 PM
oops...Typo>MAYBE you could find... You are only 13?! Then...I should have voted even higher!...this is better than ALOT of stuff I have read here in the past. Keep writing, and listen to the help people offer you. You have much potential. You write much better than a majority of the stuff I was doing at your age. Want some advice? Save EVERYTHING you write..it gives you ideas, fresh things come to mind later when you read them, and it creates a scrapbook of sorts where you can see how you grow as a writer. I'm glad you are here...i will be checking in to see what else you come up with. Don't be sensitive to what people comment to you...there are alot of seasoned writers in here, and they can be rather honest in a blunt way. I hope you can appreciate honesty and gain whatever help and encouragement you need. Welcome!
Re: Colors of Me by MissUnderstood	28-Sep-06/10:54 PM
You followed a rhyming patterned, and I felt it when you deviated from it...may you could find a way of sticking with it through to the end? I also think some commas, instead of period, would work better. That said, I like this. Simple style, but a nice little piece.
Re: Farmhouse, Southern France (storm on arrival) by Ranger	28-Sep-06/10:40 PM
I am way too exhausted to read anymore tonight...I'll save my vote for later. I'm not sure what this is about, exactly. I think it is painting a picture...of which she is not very fond; and she, very fond are you of. It seems to be that...but then I may later find it is about a thousand other things...I know how you like to lay your layers between layers...nothing for the mind-numb, from you. I will come back to read again and expound upon that which sent my lobes leaping, and that which left me yearning for something more...you deserve nothing less than a thoroughly penetrating look, scathing honesty, and unabashed confessions when you excite the senses to such unmentionably exquisite places.
Re: Week End Justification by half.italian	28-Sep-06/10:22 PM
Cool...I would consider changing the 'ears' line...maybe change 'see' to grasp, grab,...I don't know; maybe not...you are in a fog of thought and reacting from an inner, gut level and language here. I would probably use just such a phrase, especially within the context of internal dialog. The first read-through didn't grab me, but after a second, then a third read, it grew on me. I do think it has potential to be more...not by way of excessive wording- but in expounding. I'd like to know more...from point a to point b, etc.
Re: a comment on Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo	28-Sep-06/10:06 PM
This DOES have an elusive, sexy, unique complication to it that just rocks, doesn't it?! Glad to see someone shares my opinion!