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Self Portrait (Free verse) by Dovina An artist dips a brush into his soul
as the Potter fingers clay to model His.
Clad in kindness and a contemplative hat,
an optimistic likeness stands,
Tarnished by the process,
but not beyond repair.
Up the ladder:
Stopping at the oak (draft)
Down the ladder:
petal soft whispers
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: December 5, 2006 9:57 AM PST; Last modified: December 9, 2006 6:13 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.1490035 Overall Rank: 5327 Comments:
[9]
deleted user @ 64.140.228.43
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5-Dec-06/8:44 PM
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Reply
Arn't we all "tarnished by the process?" Nice work Dovina.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 208.127.72.90
> deleted user
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10-Dec-06/4:41 PM
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Reply
Yep. A clay model or a painted likeness canât match the original. Itâs only art. But wow, can it ever knock your socks off.
Beautiful insight.
Too many uses of 'his' in the first two lines for my liking - change it to '...dips a brush'. Not sure about a contemplative hat, but I do like the rest. 'Clad in kindness/optimistic likeness' is a really good bit of wordplay there.
Tired, sweaty and rather desperate.
I prefer this edit.
Knowing you like to scoot around references to God, and realizing your acceptance for those of us who donât, I appreciate this comment, and realize further that it probably has little to do with God, but rather with words. Thanks.
I like this... but wonder why you capitalized Potter and His.
Perhaps as a reference to God or The creator? If so, then I wonder what/who the painter is? I think, if the God reference was on purpose, I like it without the reference, as it speaks to the differences and sameness of creators of art. But the descriptions are very tactile, but with a God reference it makes the potter and clay so much less tactile and rather illusive. That said, whichever way it is meant to be, it is pretty good and the last two lines very good.
Ah, okay, it was a reference to God.
(That's the problem with posting and voting first, before scrolling down...I say redundant things...oh well, at least you get my own uninfluenced thought at the time.
This poem is like yours, in that S2 tries to show the painting. S1&3 are different in trying to show the artistic process. Yes, the Potter is God, modeling Himself with clay, making humans in His likeness. In so doing He instills an artistic bent. Thanks for the observations.
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