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Her Mitts (Free verse) by Nepanthe My mitts are hermits, their land is each hand,
knitted, well fitted, bold in the cold.
A hand's haven between action,
brings warmth and satisfaction.
Comfortable within my skin,
I'll remove my mittens for my kin.
My hands may brave the Winter's groan,
for the friend without mitts of her own.
Up the ladder:
Joshua And Ruth
Down the ladder:
The Air That Escapes His Lungs.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.25
Posted: March 13, 2007 6:08 AM PDT; Last modified: March 13, 2007 2:25 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.1490035 Overall Rank: 5246 Comments:
Ranger is right - the last line inversion sucks.
The internal rhymes of Verse 1 are nice.
May I make another suggestion? Keep the internal rhymes going throughout, they work well in the first stanza.
And be prepared for people to read 'My hands brave the Winter's groin'.
No, you may not.
Darn, I'll just go back to doing nothing then.
Oh, please stay. It's been so lonely here with only the newby smut-slingers, and their oldby look-alikes.
They all seem to be from London. That should explain it really. I have to go to London this weekend, I think, to watch a friend's opera group. It's surprisingly entertaining, considering you can never work out what's actually being said by any of the characters.
Is that better?
What I had in mind was a rhythm similar to the one you use in the first stanza (it's okay, you can despair at me if you like. I'm terrible at workshopping). The first two lines go like this:
da-DA da-DA-da, da-DA da-da-DA DA-da, da-DA-da, DA-da-da DA Does that make it any clearer?
Yes, I'll work on it later tonight, and repost.
..this may take me longer than I thought...
I think the second verse changes the metre a bit but that is not necessarily a problem.
How dare you extol the virtues of a lesser glove without paying homage to its superior:
http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i Incidentally, a boy in my class at primary school enjoyed scratching the other boys and making them cry. As both punishment and preventative measure, he was forced to wear mittens.
P.S. That boy wasn't me
By the way, I couldn't get the link to your music to work.
It works now.
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I felt the second paragraph was weak.
I should work on it, a punch to the colon's far too violent for a pair of soft fluffy mitts.
Thanks : )
and say 'mitts of her own'.
take out the of and the last two lines match up, 8 and 8.