| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Bitter (Free verse) by Ranger Anna's ghost can stalk this swamp
Can stalk, for all I care
For she left me and wandered off
While I sat in despair
For she left me and wandered off
And never told me where
Anna's ghost can see herself
Reflected, white and wan
In rusty stagnant water's froth
A dirtied, dying swan
In rusty stagnant water's froth
A-weeping thereupon
Anna's ghost can sit among
The rotting twists of trees
And pluck her ragged strands of hair
Which billow in the breeze
And pluck her ragged strands of hair
In harp-string minor keys
Anna's ghost can howl and moan
In sorrow, at the moon
For he's the only one who'll hear
Such lonely banshee tunes
For he's the only one who'll hear
This song; a wood-score hewn
Anna's ghost can curse the day
She left my company
For other folk who left her there
With no road back to me
For other folk who left her there
To die in her degree
Up the ladder:
A Future
Down the ladder:
Thoughts for Later (v3)
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.88
Posted: October 12, 2006 11:26 AM PDT; Last modified: October 12, 2006 11:26 AM PDTWeighted score: 6.8674173 Overall Rank: 284 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
[9]
Dovina @ 70.38.78.229
|
12-Oct-06/3:15 PM
|
Reply
So hypnotic is its rhythm and form that it must be a form besides free verse. Toward the end of reading it, I need no sense or plot, so carried is it with its own device.
[n/a]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
> Dovina
|
13-Oct-06/3:34 AM
|
Reply
Thanks, I don't know if the form has its own name. If not, it can be the Nightingalean ode, or folksong, or somewhat. I'm going to play around with the rhythm a bit; it still seems abrupt to me. Then again, I read things indecently quickly. Bad habits that I haven't got rid of. Glad you liked it :-)
[7]
Prince of Void @ 213.207.253.85
> Dovina
|
13-Dec-06/9:33 AM
|
Reply
I agreed that there is no plot in this poetry ..but it doesnt make no difference I like it as he had tried to show
absolutely beautiful. things i think could be improved:
no need to title it bitter, that makes me think of beer as much as anna's ghost. For she left and wandered off would fit the rhythm better without the word me. With no road back to me should really be the last line. bitterness of the sort described is really such a selfish sentiment, ending on any word other than "me" is practically a crime. of course, this is all just basically me nitpicking. i love the poem. love it.
Thank you :-)
Good points - I didn't see that the title would be read that way, but I'll think of an alternative. The repeated line in stanza one is still troublesome, you're right - I probably will remove the 'me' (it was an early experiment with internal rhymes which I didn't continue). I really agonised over which line to put at the end...I'm still torn, but you might sway me enough to change them round. Thank you again for the ideas, and the praise :-D
smashing, a nice melancholy, bitter (to be sure, an apt title IMHO), ballad. I know it may not really be a ballad, but it hints at some love lost, even if the sentiment is no longer "full of love".
i must agree with nypoet about the last line; "to die in her degree" does not have the weight and finality of "with no road back to me". after all, that is what he is bitter about: she left and did not come back, not so much that she died. :P
Yes! You know I love this one, how could I not? I agree that your title could be better, but it's just a title. I also agree with nyp on the first stanza, but I would change it to:
For she left me and (she/then) wandered off While I sat there in despair For she left me and (she/then) wandered off And never told me where And, again, agreeing with nyp (guy is giving some tastey advice), the last line should be "With no road back to me". Other than that I like every fucking letter of this poem. nice!
Indeed I did think it'd go down well with you. I had to post something (I am killing myself over two other poems which resist all attempts to be written). I'll look at the edit for that line, although it'll mean playing with the iambs - but hell, if it works...
I actually love titles almost as much as the poetry itself; this one was just for the drafting so it's bound to change in the future.
wkd.
Ranger... this is just too good. I read it a couple of times..but never got down to commenting. Sorry for the delay. Keep writing. You do a very good job at it.
Interesting poem ranger, so she upset you then?!
Nice use of verse and very morish. Colin
Hi there....seems you have been as reclusive as I. I'm just back in, as well. I am glad I found something from you upon my return. Now for my honesty...
The last line in s4 bugs me and doesn't work entirely. The caliber of the piece calls for something better there. The last line needs changing, IMO. Perhaps 'to die by love's decree', 'my eyes to never see' 'my love to never see' (or 'taste') or simply 'no road back to me' (which would put a rather melancholy note to the end, making one wonder if he truly distains her so and to imply an ever so slight longing and sadness.) You know I love your mind...this is fantastic and it shows your progress with rythm. I am also, as always, enchanted with the olde feel of these pieces. With this I see a more comfortable you going into a little darker place...you did it very well!
Thanks, I think you might be right about s4. I didn't spend very long on it though, and revision efforts have been minimal. A couple of months lurking around on allpoetry has murdered my desire to write... :(
dude, how have you been? do you still exist?!
I think so, although sometimes it's not so clear. Haven't bothered with the internet for a while though, been out of communications. I'll give you a shout on your homepage rather than clutter up this nice tidy poetry site.
I was swinging with it right up until the last line, with "degree". Some trouble with that.
What does it mean?
'It' being the word or the poem? If you mean the poem, then it's nothing more than it says; the narrator having a really bad day. If it's the word 'degree', I can't remember my precise thinking (at least, not this late and after a long day) but it'll have been along the lines of 'in her own way' or 'in her own manner'. Or something like that. A poetic way of saying 'whatever', really.
all the ghosts...
all the ghosts... made my vote your mind is happy butI'm telling you you should learn to let it go
A very sad and deep poem Ranger. Ghosts have a habit of haunting you for years and then suddenly fading away back to eternity just when you need them most.
Here in the Jungle the tribes pay homage to their ghosts all the time and have places to honour them. Some people may say thats weird but its strangely compelling and helps them and me to talk to people who have gone.
What a cunty poem
I love the rhyme, it's almost hypnotic... and I don't usually like triple entendres.
It so eerie in the empty sense, regret in the third person, just a hint of bitter. I like this very much. => Jess
I have to say I hadn't read the title. Hence to define my understand of bitter beyond the blatantly obvious, you knew she'd regret letting go of you, as you protected her from what may have happened in her past from reoccuring/bringing her back down again.
Thus great use of metaphore in the ghosts... => Jess
Thank you :-)
heh, gratz on the number one slot....
...and that in spite of two -0- votes. heh
I won poemeranker!
How the devil are you these days? It's nice to see you around again :-)
um. busy, and that's why i havent been on. work's getting in the way of my extracurricular online life again, damnit!
Not very good, but I have read worse.
What a touching piece of writing. The reader is transported to a new world and the poet should be transported too.
Charmingly archaic.
I love the way you repeat the lines but add something different afterwards! ALso, This poem makes the reader feel the narator's emotions. Love the Poem!
572 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
