Re: Selkie (An Antique of Lurid Partes - w/Girl on Girl Action!) by ecargo	28-Sep-06/10:03 PM
I have a rule: read first, comment next, vote thirdly, hit submit...then go see what others had to say. I hope, hope, Hope people found this to be of as great a worth as I. It is a gem...an absolute gem. Fantastic. I do think I would have moved "the girl," up to the first line of the last stanza, to help with flow there. Also "till blood did hum" didn't seem to rise to the high caliber this piece called for. That said...This is a fantastic piece. Now I will have to go looking for what else you have lain quill to!
Re: a comment on Suicide Dream by Ranger	28-Sep-06/9:24 PM
Oh My, I have been away a while....seems I missed a bit of nastiness. THAT kind of nastiness I can do without. I am surprised by the level of venom...and disappointed. That said, I totally disagree with those who bashed this piece. IMHO, it is a solid piece; and I can not fathom anyone calling it far less than that. Personal preferences are one thing; opinion is another; but personal attacks reflect badly on the one posting them. We post as a way of askance, and know that 'Joe Public' will respond with his opinion of what we write. We are free to accept the assessment or to reject it. Going for the jugular of one who posts a comment discourages others from commenting with their honest opinion...and in the end the writer loses what could be a valuable tool.
Re: Suicide Dream by Ranger	28-Sep-06/10:21 AM
I am not sure that I required the intro...this piece didn't need 'setting up'. That said...this is a really strong piece on several merits. Word choice was Choice, good flow/rythm (getting better at that, aren't you?!), has a timeless feel to it, classic without being a repetitious example of classic form, held my interest very well, and painted a lovely picture...yes, I said lovely. I has a touch of morbidity, but only a touch that does not dwell concretely there. Fascinating and captivating. Think about submitting this one for publication. A few little fixes here and there may be needed:"To cover - maybe hide - you 'til the dawn" I'd like to see written in a way that encouraged a better flow. To cover- maybe hide you, till the dawn...? I don't know how, but the dashes seem to call for more halting than I feel comfortable with. Also, you use commas and such, but not entirely. I think you could use one here: 'Still, you burn so white' In fact, periods etc would probably be called for since you used>,;'...:) (Hence, the 9 vote) The pieces that seem to come from the distant past, that read as if written in some far-away time and place, seem to be your forte'. True to my own rule, I will vote and comment before I read what others voted and commented... but must admit I am anxious to see others' reactions.
Re: Herencia Latina by Ranger	16-Jun-06/11:04 AM
Viole..I read as violin and violence, and Fire...I wonder which you meant. "Silence shatters, blooming from a dark-staved scroll Curving cries encircle this typhoon"...hmmm... I like the delving this asks of the reader...love all the layers. And..with all the rhyming, it would have been easy for this to have gone to crap...but you rhymed all over the place without it getting away from you...the rythm and placement of rhymes worked very well. Good job!
Re: a comment on Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	16-Jun-06/10:50 AM
chiselled bone would be too base, obvious and concrete,...? struggling to find the right word here... IMHO
Re: Murder Phoenix Born (meta-villanelle) by Ranger	16-Jun-06/10:40 AM
Oh...Oh my...this has to be one of my favorites. Hauntingly beautiful, and beautifully crafted. Lovely, lovely. All but the line: "Which would scatter like a broken stone" change that and you get my 10...keep it, and get a high 9 :) Have I ever told you I am in lust with your mind, at moments like this?
Re: The Devil's Carnival by Ranger	16-Jun-06/10:28 AM
Crashing down makes one think the ride crashed, in the end...which WOULD have taught all those nasty grinners a lesson...but doubt you meant to imply that there. Good job with this! I DO hate to see someone on a ride they thought they would like, only to become distressed...and to think some get their jollies from watching this unfold...disturbing; and well crafted in this piece.
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	6-Jun-06/3:17 PM
Cheers!
Re: Descendent by MacFrantic	24-May-06/4:51 PM
The periods/punctuation needs work. (need one after endure?)etc. You get spurts of rythm going, then lose it. drop 'the' @ streets...that line's a tongue twister. willing me to spell...?to cast spells?, and fate is my undoing? is that what is meant there? all as one sentence it doesn't make sense. I can see this written on a subway wall somewhere...
Re: Shy, quiet by Ranger	24-May-06/4:41 PM
Without the title I would think this was a stage or script act of a storm...I love> "purple rolling pillow sky, clouds Swift glancing light Pause-" The (clever) format forces one to read it in a very cool way...and imagery is fantastic. I like the last two lines, in a literal sense: as in, the Earth spinning away and out of reach of the lightning. I see that you are being so clever/intellectual with the writing you posted while I was out and away. This one is probably not really clear at first reading...or even at all, without the title. Perhaps the lightening should be more direct and less stealthy:)
Re: a comment on Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	24-May-06/4:25 PM
Wow...alot of conversation about this one...interesting to read comments!
Re: Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams by Ranger	24-May-06/4:24 PM
The first two lines need punctuation change...kinda stumbled there....Other than that, complex piece here...or you could just read it as association, free-thought/dream piece...either way I think it should appeal to most reading it. Good imagery! An owl with butterfly wings...I like trying to conjure that image.
Re: Split Me by Sunny	23-May-06/9:53 AM
I'm lost...I couldn't wrap my brain around where you were going with this! There were some good lines, and imagery, though.
Re: Numbers add to nothing by Caducus	23-May-06/9:49 AM
The end fell flat, and rang hollow and disconnected...which is good, in this case! I notice you are an impartial observer all the way until the last line, then you pronounce some sort of judgment on it all. I am not sure of what your judgment is. Does his death change nothing, are you speaking to nothing changes in America because America continues to put people on death row and use capital punishment, or are you saying capital punishment changes nothing and killing goes on as usual? Or that his life and death is nothing because he is nothing? Or that his death changed nothing in the lives of those affected by his murders? I hate having to title things! But that said, I think it needs a better title. I don't mind it the way it is, as it leaves one to question what it is about, and to re=read to try to figure those questions out...which is never fully answered, for the reader. I wouldn't mind it being more clear, in showing your judgment either, though.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	10-Mar-06/7:05 AM
:) no problem...and good luck.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	4-Mar-06/5:24 PM
...and then claims niavity....LOL....J/K I have finally made it through everything of yours here, made comments, and shared thoughts...it is rewarding to look at the progression. I hope you don't mind my comments and thoughts, since you don't know me and yet seem to share a history with many people on here.
Re: The North Wind by Ranger	3-Mar-06/9:19 AM
First two lines> good! Some good lines sprinkled here and there. It is not the best poem ever written, but you did attempt to say this 'coming of age' type thing in a unique way. I like the title choice...and to compare the north wind with a longing for a realized need for warmth...that's original.
Re: Am I Still Here? by Ranger	3-Mar-06/9:06 AM
Some good images...made me smile...rather disjointed, but consistantly so! I like alot of the lines, the last 8, particularly, sit well.
Re: Frozen Angel by Ranger	3-Mar-06/8:55 AM
Favorite places: Whose timeless eyes of long-lost years will watch and wait and show But her day to be praised came centuries ago .... 2nd stanza could be really good with some work. The rythm is just a minute twitch off. ........ stanza 3: I had to giggle at...witty thought. .... stanza 4 the rythm is good...the last line didn't work for me, though. seemed cheesy.
Re: A Short Letter by Ranger	3-Mar-06/8:46 AM
I liked this right up till "so much coarser"! The rythm is a simplistic one, the rhymes predictable, but it's good, anyway! I would respectfully suggest a fitting ending, that would do this justice.