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The North Wind (Lyric) by Ranger I don't care where the wicked North Wind blows
There's a feeling inside that unendingly grows
Can I see a star that permanently glows?
Well maybe in the end it all just goes to show
Said I'm really not bothered where the wild wind blows
I'm restless on my own, so soon I may follow
There's a voice within the breeze that always cries out loud
But with each silver lining there has to be a cloud
I'm giving up my life to chase a feather in the wind
And if I should now catch you then you must soon give in
And fragile as a flower's dream my heart splits alone
All the while the wheel of time's rolling on home
I tried to say you're somebody to me
Not merely anybody
I suppose I could live without
But what kind of life would that be?
Despite my words I didn't say what I wished to
It wasn't veiled, I hoped you'd see through
Every little thing I told you is true
But I wasn't brave enough to say I love you
Up the ladder:
The Ladies and the Bum
Down the ladder:
Mississipi Murder
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6
Posted: November 25, 2002 4:17 AM PST; Last modified: November 25, 2002 4:17 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.5999727 Overall Rank: 2305 Comments:
[n/a]
deleted user @ 212.219.142.161
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25-Nov-02/4:51 AM
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Reply
indeed depressing and lonly and almost pointless in its solitude but to be honnest thats just all pretentious crap and this is in fact a great poem craigus nightingaleus
DUDE! SWEET! 9 :)!
BLADE'S STUPID
Hell yeah...kinda. For a wannabe wannabe vampire.
Ok, I'm done pissing everyone off. Besides I think I lost.
Oh yea. Nice work Craigus, and nice defence in the face of critism. 10\10
line 3: Syntax error - Unknown symbol '\'
i've just seen all your cards.
Is it a decent hand?
I've got a girlfriend, she's called Handgela!!!!! Well she's been good to be since I broke up with my last girlfriend. I say broke up, I catually mean popped.
So who's been twattish enough to change their vote to a two?
V.good
i think this is really good not like the rest of your depressing stuff and it makes sense nice one craig.
i didnt mean your depressing stuff i ment everyone elses! sorry!
Cheers! By the way, who are you? I don't mean to sound rude, but I know far too many people on this site!
im kat at alton. im the one stamp says stalks tom
Oh right, hi!
i think the low scores are due to the fact that you have basically strung together a load of cliches. the rhyme feels forced; at first, given what you were trying to say, i thought that maybe you shouldn't try to rhyme it, but then i saw you were going for a lyric--and the rhyme still feels forced. try saying this in your own words, not with a dozen catch phrases you have heard over and over again.
does that help at all?
and why did you call it the north wind anyway?
Okey-dokey then, I'll start with the title. I think that it was just the primary idea that sparked the whole thing off, and it kind of reflected how I wanted the poem to feel.
I was trying to write a song in the style of Reef (I try to imitate groups sometimes to see if I can, and if it's easy. Generally I don't use the things I write in this way for any particular purpose i.e. my group). Anyhoo, I ended up writing various two-liners that didn't really resemble Reef, but I thought "Hey, I'll put them together and see what it sounds like". I thought that some of it worked well, although in retrospect some of it is pretty naff and cliched. Anyway, I enjoyed writing it and maybe if I've got time I'll try to improve it. Thank you for your observations-it's what I put poems on this site for!
The format of this one is overused. 0.
The format of you is overused.
How so??? GOTCHA. 10.
This is good but could be better by
tightening and deleting words that add no value to the poem. And the rhyme sounds a bit forced in spots. Still, a nice lyric.
First two lines> good! Some good lines sprinkled here and there. It is not the best poem ever written, but you did attempt to say this 'coming of age' type thing in a unique way. I like the title choice...and to compare the north wind with a longing for a realized need for warmth...that's original.
There are all this tricky rhyme schemes in the world, but I reckon it's nice to see it taken back to basics once in a while. One on one, obvious yet not obtrusive. Lyrics or not.
I'd've written Said in the fifth line with a '. 'Said, short for I said. But I can be the queen of ideomaticity and colloquealist english. So I'd caution you against my advice. But yes, I'd say if we polled it here and now missed 'I love you's would be the chief regret. => Jess
This is possibly the worst thing I ever wrote. But it was about 5 years ago. Nothing pre-2006 of mine is worth reading.
Actually, not much post-06 is worth reading either. Nothing wrong with an inventive idiolect, and as for colloquial language, well it depends who you're a follower of. 339 view(s)
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