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72 virgins (but the bitches ain't fun) (Glosa) by ALChemy Yeah heâs havin' girl problems, I feel bad for Hassan.
He got 72 virgins but the bitches ainât fun.
[Verse One]
He was in Iraq patrolinâ it now his backâs got holes in it.
Foes, they wanna make sure his casket's pointinâ west.
Rabbi critics, they say he's justa "Sunni Cash Ho".
He formed a Jihad, stupid, got whacked by some Joes,
then they blew up his truck in the middle of the road.
Thinks heâll be celebrating with heavenly hoes.
He don't know what they foâ, bitches ainât got twats or even
assholes
and they don't lick dick âcause they got shallow throat.
Gotta beat his meat now and forever moâ.
They don't show there tits, they just don't give a Shiite, YO.
That man just canât get himself none of that ass
So now all he can do is stare at that black ass.
Canât understand the intelligence that Allah has
Got all these damn bitches but he canât fuck none
He got 72 virgins but the bitches ainât fun
Hit me
[Chorus]
72 virgins but the bitches ainât fun.
Yeah heâs havin' girl problems I feel bad for Hassan
He got 72 virgins but the bitches ainât fun
Hit me
-for Ranger upon request-
Up the ladder:
Evicition notices & hang nails
Down the ladder:
For the battered chicken I've never met.
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.2
Posted: May 17, 2006 6:37 AM PDT; Last modified: May 17, 2006 6:37 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.6 Overall Rank: 2301 Comments:
Oh now Edna, at least be brave enough to not to drop an "anonymous" turd on me. You know that it's funny.
I dont think I have seen something so mixed in that some of its really good such as the 72 virgins and L2V1 but it slides into the not so good with words like twat. I'm all for bad language but your work here is a cocktail of par excellence and below average.
I'm inspired and disappointed all at once lol.
I know what you mean but I felt I had to stay as true to the song as I could and I mean look at the actual lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jayz/99pr
Not exactly Shakespeare. Plus I kinda rushed it. Maybe we should do more parodies around here, ya'know lighten the place up a little.
Alchemy, I refrain from voting here. Sorry, this glossa doesn't appeal me. I do not find it touchy or inspiring.
I should hope not. It started with me and Ranger wondering what anyone would do with 72 Islamic virgins. I mean you could deflower them but then what do you do for the rest of eternity? It's kinda vulgar, I know, but the song it parodies is kinda vulgar. I understand though. This definately isn't your cup of tea.
It's not about the vulgarity of the poem that put me off... it was more like it gave me an impression of Jim Carrey who I totally and wholeheartedly hate. More like a transferrence of feeling.
Transferrence of feeling?
I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't get how you get Jim Carrey out of it either. Think it's more like Weird Al Yankovic doing Amish Paradise.
"They just don't give a Shiite".
10 because I fuckin' loved that line. I was actually planning to try a parody on that following your conversation w/ Ranger, but you beat me to it and did it great! ^_^
I left the other 2 verses for you guys to do. So I look forward to your version of verse 2. Here's the complete lyrics:
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jayz/99pr
Tried to fuck that ho like he couldn't in the hood /
but damn! that bitch, she a virgin for good Whatever he do, can't stick it in, no hole, just skin, Gonna beat his meat forever cuz he just can't win. Nigga never knew all he'd do was masturbate Once he blew himself sky-high through the Pearly Gates But yours is better :-) true to da beat.
Haha, I'm hoping to see a full-length version of this!
Oh man, you tempt me away from the reams of paperwork...
This made me laugh so hard, the best early birthday present I've ever had! Actually, I haven't found a song this funny since Al Yankovic parodied "Lola" (the master of parodies working from Ray Davies, the master of satire; a winning combination if ever there was one). While you folks are around there's no way I'm going to be able to keep away for long. 'Rabbi critics, they say he's justa "Sunni Cash Ho". He formed a Jihad, stupid, got whacked by some Joes'. That will remain with me forever :-D
I looking forward to your version too. But school work first, go on now get to work.
Those heavenly hoes died and went there for good reason. The rest of us never made it.
I imagine they died fairly quickly, (not having a pee or poop hole to discharge urine and feces and all) Most likely from toxic shock.
72 virgins are ace because they are pure and virtuous. In heaven on must forsake any thoughts of sin for they can't be lived out. There are only souls in heaven. No bones. :(
No hymens either. Isn't everyone in heaven pure and virtuous?
now THAT is a concept worth some thought and maybe some writing.... imagine, a heaven that is *not* a bunch of goody 2 shoes(es). saavy sould, souls with panache, politcial agendas, style, vanity, and flair. sounds a lot more interesting to me than the "peraly gates" version.
maybe i'm describing purgatory?
interesting. i can see how this is quickly sketched together and that it is the result of a conversation.
tough material to work with, but pretty clever and funny. i'm really torn between an -8- and -9-, but since you had the guts to post this, i will round up. ;)
Yeah, basically I changed a word here a line there and in doing so desecrated ol' Jay-Z's song. I figure any score higher than 5 shows that I've bested him.
Total garbage. I turd my pants laughing at the yankee soldiers getting the shit beaten out of them. Keep up the good work, Hassan!
Good work indeed, Hassan. Some of his best work was done on London Subway trains and an omnibus, wouldn't you agree?
Thank God Bush's bitch Blair sent enough redcoat butlers over there to wash the towelhead blood stains of those yankee uniforms of ours.
fuck you, pisslove. anyone who laughs at another person getting killed is a complete waste of matter.
laugh at the bonehead who ordered them over there and refuses to bring them back no matter how badly his plan fails, but do not laugh at the guys who get killed on all sides of this debacle. the whole thing makes me so pissed off and you just drew attention to yourself (as you so intended). this attention you crave has now put you in the crosshairs of my fury so bear up, bitch. if you want to laugh at the US, go ahead. just remember that you'd probably be speaking german right now if we had not helped you lot out. guess maybe you're just sour because the USA is a reminder of another colony lost? yank this, you bloody pissant wanker.
Well said. If she's smart she won't even try you. Her best comeback will probably involve something along the lines of nit picking any minor grammar errors you've made and calling you something like dummy-head or something as out-dated as yankee. I mean when was the last time we heard yankee said without reference to the baseball team?
I'd be more worried about the 72 mothers-in-law.
Really, this poem is an explanation of the origin of the phrase 'fucking hell'.
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"99 Problems"
If your havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
[Verse One]
I got the rap patrol on the gat patrol
Foes that wanna make sure my casket's closed
Rap critics that say he's "Money Cash Hoes"
I'm from the hood stupid what type of facts are those
If you grew up with holes in your zapitos
You'd celebrate the minute you was havin doe
I'm like fuck critics you can kiss my whole asshole
If you don't like my lyrics you can press fast forward
Got beef with radio if i don't play they show
They don't play my hits well i don't give a shit SO
Rap mags try and use my black ass
So advertisers can give em more cash for ads...fuckers
I don't know what you take me as
or understand the intellegence that Jay-Z has
I'm from rags to ritches nigga i ain't dumb
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
Hit me
[Chorus]
99 Problems but a bitch ain't one
If you havin girl problems i feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one
Hit me -Jay Z