| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Freud Spoke Of A Mother's Tongue, But I Interpret Dreams (Free verse) by Ranger Every image is disguised under normal circumstances-
Now, to be extraordinary
Sleep must fall like ash
-blot the sky
And then a strange medicine will arise, blind and blessed
As if a clock-face were some lunar arc
-her name is Celeste
The secret is in words which murmur;
while lying,
prone to doubling up
lithe, nearly unconscious long
slumber as smoke from a gun, placed
by the hip - not eyes - in grace
Pupils closed, to cite...
...owl, owl of agony with a dark stare which winds upwards
Owl with butterfly wings
Peacock left, a gatekeeper's right
To close beneath the night gale's whispering
Why so soundless, vision, when carrying this message of loss?
A song would be appropriate for a night bird flying
Danger soaring past the scene
Past walls, God, scent,
Past jasmine...
Awakening is like the new flame
Flicker uncertainly
Unconvinced
Yet the owl spoke true-
She left me that day
Up the ladder:
Dressing up
Down the ladder:
Russian Space Station
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.818182
Posted: April 28, 2006 1:06 PM PDT; Last modified: April 28, 2006 4:07 PM PDTWeighted score: 6.409091 Overall Rank: 761 The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:
Comments:
hmmm, well. this is another complex read. alas, being friday afternoon and i am on my way home for the weekend, i cannot sit tight enough to think nor read clearly. i will try to get back and comment on this. holding off the vote for now as well. musn't be hasty, now!
Heh, fair enough. Somehow I seem to write best on a friday, I think it's due to actually having to apply my brain to thinking as opposed to the rest of the week. I tried to keep this fairly comprehensible; I am really struggling to write 'simple' (i.e. readable) poetry at the moment so all I am left with is experimental stuff. If it makes it any clearer, I really did dream of that owl with its butterfly wings.
Hope to catch you over the weekend sometime, finally the ranker participation is starting to pick up again and things look promising. All we need now is ALChemy back and poemranker will be its usual self!
This is definitely a poet's poem. I feel confident enough when I say that this may be the best pure poem on this site. It is catchy, raw, truly FREE verse. It even has the punch at the end that makes your eyes move back to the top and start over again. No matter what the scores on this poem, it deserves no less than a primary addition to my favorites. Of course, Ranger, nothing short of greatness should be expected from you. I hope I've tooted your horn quite sufficiently.
*10*
Ranger, This is yet another piece where you've got me racking my brains. Making us exercise, aren't you? :-) Am enjoying it.
Somehow you and my husband will be able to get along well with topics like this. Probably he'll be able to give you a valid critique on this. From my point of view, I don't seem to be getting anywhere far with this. It ain't particulary clear.
Well I'm glad that you're enjoying the challenge; I've struggled to write anything vaguely meaningful recently so I resorted to 'clever' stuff instead. The problem being, as I've discovered, that it's virtually impossible to communicate ideas like this poetically without the reader having background knowledge of the themes. As far as Freud goes, I know very little. However, it's all about puns.
For my next act I have a poem which you might find more to your tastes. How up to date are you with this 'gospel of Judas'? You'll be more interested in my next submission, methinks.
Ranger.... care to chat?
Shamefully I don't have the chat function operational (plus I have to go out fairly soon) however I will try to get it running for the next time you're about - I have plenty of questions about your take on religion (and not the usual critical questions either, I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear!) It might be useful for poem explanations too.
How are things these days anyway? And have you seen ALChemy recently?
Alchemy ... no. I wish I had his e-mail.
And chat. this is something that PR's rarely make use of. Otherwise it would be more fun to log in together and have a hearty debate. Is there much problem to logging in to chat? I never seem to have any trouble. As for ' Gospel of Judas", I have my opinins.... strong ones against it.... but depends what you write. Would love to see it though.
It's 1.00 a.m., 30th April, here in India. I'd better sign off soon. Good night.
You know, one day I intend to be able to say "It's 1.00 am, here in India". It has a more exotic ring to it that "It's 8.30 pm here in Wales"...
Well I'm technologically about as useful as a dead lemur so it's no surprise to me that despite doing everything kaolin tells me to it doesn't work. I've probably turned off something vitally important along the way. No matter, I shall get it sorted asap - the chat function would be a good place to congregate, for sure.
The poem I wrote is (in keeping with my recent preferences) epically ambiguous. I'd like to think that people will read it and end up thinking 'he is totally for it' or 'he is totally against it', but what I'm afraid will happen is that people will finish it thinking 'what is he going on about?' I shall withold my actual ideas about it until after I've posted, and probably until I get the chat working. Righto, now I have to depart for a while, I'll catch you if you're still about later, if not, tomorrow!
Regarding Chat: Are you using Internet Explorer, Versioin 6.0, sp2? If so, I believe there is no way to set it up so Chat will work. If someone can tell me otherwise, I'll listen and try, but I have done everything Kaolin said, and a lot more. The only solution I have found is to use Netscape 7.0.
This is good stuff. Not exactly my cup of tea, but doesn't mean I shouldn't give it the score it deserves.
I can safely say I have no idea what this poem is about. That being said though the imagery is amazing. So even if I was completely lost almost instantly, I still enjoyed every line I read. Great job.
First read:
I read the comments concerning therapists and patients, but I never associated the poem with either; they're far too mundane. This poem is a dream; and I read it just as though I were waking up, trying to piece together bits and pieces of an idea which was blindingly clear just the instant before I awoke. All I can recall at this moment are scattered pictures; flickering memories; a swoop in the distance. And she left me. Second read: I can see the dream interpretation theme in the first verse, particularly in the first line of every stanza. It would seem as though the first line describes a reality, and the following lines the dream. They could, in fact, be read separately and still make sense. I did however enjoy the puns, although I seriously doubt I figured them all out, though. And of course, your trademark ;-) Solid 10 for a indecently beautiful piece of work. I love a poem that makes me think. But beware of loading your stuff down with too many underlying meanings; you might be too subtle for the rest of us. :-)
Thanks =D what you said about the first lines being more real than what follows them is spot on; same about the waking bit. Although I remembered the dream almost in its entirety, the owl was just a fragment (although the most important fragment) of a decidedly strange experience.
Just got your email - I'll reply asap but am also stuck in academia (damn essays) so it may take a little while...glad you liked the story too!
The first two lines need punctuation change...kinda stumbled there....Other than that, complex piece here...or you could just read it as association, free-thought/dream piece...either way I think it should appeal to most reading it. Good imagery! An owl with butterfly wings...I like trying to conjure that image.
Wow...alot of conversation about this one...interesting to read comments!
Cheers, it's good to see you about again!
Cheers!
I gave a metaphorical 'owl of agony as I read this.
That would be your haemorrhoids crawling up your throat and out of your mouth.
sophisticated
Thank you :-)
321 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
You are avoiding commas at the ends of lines, maybe because you said my last one had too many of them. In general, I think punctuation is appropriate on a poem of this complexity, including commas as needed for grammar at the ends of lines. The first two lines threw me for awhile. I would change them to:
Every image is disguised under normal circumstances.
Now, to be extraordinary,
Another nit: "lithe, nearly unconscious,"
Slips of the tongue doesn't feature here. On one level it's about his theory that dreams, when from the language of the subconscious, are often based on puns rather than direct signifier/signified relations. Therefore the words are 'doubling up', 'near unconscious langue'. And there are others in there too.
Question: did you find this written from the point of view of the therapist or from the point of view of the dreamer?
Will have a comb through the punctuation.
I took it as a dream interpreter's POV who could also be the dreamer. The title is confusing because of mixing past and present tenses.
Qustion: If dreams are based on puns, why not consider the "slip of the tongue" feature of a persons mother tongue, especially since you mention it in the title?
R.E. slips of the tongue - they are addressed even though they don't feature too prominently. It's in stanza 2.
Many thanks again for commenting, my writing's in a pretty dire state at the moment and I need the help getting back on track.