Dovina28 Apr 2006

Your writing is not in a "pretty dire state." But, like I said about your last one, I think you are again trying to accomplish more than a reasonable amount in this poem. If your readers already know these concepts, then you might succeed with them in providing entertainment and new expressions. But for us non-phychologists, any one of those concepts would be a good chunk to deliver in a poem of this length. I am an admittedly simple reader, and others may be able to take all you want to deliver.