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The Devil's Carnival (Villanelle) by Ranger Flashing lights become a string of pearls
Flailing arm a blur in fast descent
Crashing down so quick, this crying girl
A measured joke designed by grinning churl
Laughter follows cracks in porcelain
Flashing lights become a string of pearls
Merry, aren't you in this teacup twirl?
Spinning swifter - see how far you bend!
Crashing down so quick, this crying girl
A banner of the devil's face unfurls
Crossing tents of concentrating men
Flashing lights become a string of pearls
Sing for us, you fragile little merle
Body blackened, blue eyes look so zen
Crashing down so quick, this crying girl
Let us paint your face with streaks and swirls
Tomorrow you must visit us again!
Flashing lights become a string of pearls
Crashing down so quick, this crying girl
Up the ladder:
Poet
Down the ladder:
Hugh Heffner's Halloween party
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.2
Posted: March 12, 2006 11:43 AM PST; Last modified: March 12, 2006 11:43 AM PSTWeighted score: 6.6 Overall Rank: 606 Comments:
Extremely cool indeed. I loved "Flashing lights become a string of pearls"... for some reason, the initial image it conjured up was of the glowing circle the lights of a ferris wheel would describe if it were spinning very fast... and then slowing down, until each light is individually distinguishable, a string (well, more like a ring) of pearls.
Spot on, although it's also meant to represent tears...this one has a darker side to it than anything else I've posted.
As always, your comments are appreciated!
By the way, there were three villanelles on here that I learnt villanelle writing from; your 'Nightfall' was one of them.
Wow. I'm honored...
It really is a good job, though. You've got on the one hand, the swiftly moving lines of the carnival action spinning out of control, and on the other hand, the cruelty and brutality implied in "flailing arm", "body blackened", "laughter follows cracks in porcelain". They work together well, creating a overall creepiness reminiscent of the Joker.
Wow! This is extremely well written! The flow was wonderful and your delivery very powerful.
Thank you...vils are my new favourite style, but oh so challenging!
The pleasure was mine. You get a 10 from me for such a great poem!
Another good one, nice title...my favorite line is one of the repeated lines, "flashing lights become a string of pearls," because its so gosh darn purdy. back to homework.
Well done with a difficult form. It's not entirely fair to point out story glitches in a vil, but indulge me. The girl begins crying, destraught. Then, in verse 3, she is merry. From there on, it flows well.
A fair point - there is a purpose to the word choice there. First (and least of all) it's in keeping with the fairground 'merry-go-round' theme. Second, it's one of the reactions you'd tend to get from ride attendants to children who've suddenly decided they don't like the ride they're on. And thirdly it attempts to encapsulate the sort of attitude of people who gang up on individuals for kicks (no pun intended); they quite clearly can't understand why it's distressing for the individual being pushed around (teacup twirl). With any luck, that explanation will make things a bit clearer.
Personally I despise the theme in this, but as a poem I think it works quite well.
If there's anything wrong here, I can't find it. I saw a girl being tortured by others on an amusement ride or she was forced to ride and she didn't want to. Now I'm going to read the remarks and see how I did.
Not bad at all - you pretty much condensed both meanings into one =D
Generally speaking I found it well written, but Crashing down, worried me, it seems just not quite right.
Crashing down makes one think the ride crashed, in the end...which WOULD have taught all those nasty grinners a lesson...but doubt you meant to imply that there.
Good job with this! I DO hate to see someone on a ride they thought they would like, only to become distressed...and to think some get their jollies from watching this unfold...disturbing; and well crafted in this piece. 298 view(s)
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I did wonder whether or not churl and merle would work...my preference is to be as varied with rhymes as possible, but I might have overstepped slightly here.
It's the only reason I know what it means too...who said Zeppelin weren't educational?