Lyric № 30811
Frozen Angel
Hear the shadows falling from deep beneath the well
Flick and shine from off of the crystal-domed angel
Whose timeless eyes of long-lost years will watch and wait and show
But her day to be praised came centuries ago
She stands alone like one of stone
Buried deep in shallow ground
The lilting rain brings no more pain
To ears bereft of sound
Her wings caress abandoned nests
Caring for them 'till they're found
And when, unchained, she's loved again
Time's threads will have unwound
There are those who think a heart-shaped hole
Directs you to a ripped-out soul
But if the heart should be replaced
Which way around would they now face?
Although she grieves she still believes
In one more power-to-be
But wily Fate did therefore state
She nevermore would see
And then did find that Love is blind
Despite His cruel decree
Her sole weak trait then calmed His hate
And shone on you and me
21 comments
I considered not putting this on here until I'd improved it, but it occurred to me that I'm not a poet (no shit!) and that maybe the people on this site might help me with it, cause I really think it's ok. I especially feel pleased with the middle four lines of the last verse-I don't know where on earth they came from!
As for your guess, you are almost right. It???s actually a very obscure metaphor for me, in a strange sense (i.e. I???m not female, nor would I ever consider myself an angel). You are kind of right, though. It is drawn from a love I never had-but I would never curse her-we???re still great friends. It's really just the stupid period that all teenagers go through, but I figured that even if how I feel isn't important to the rest of the world, it's still important to me.
My friend Dani here just said that I could make a really good writer or poet if I tried! That was very complementary!
Anyway, thank you again for your time, I've got to go and get the bus or I'll be stuck in college miles from home!
On stanza 3 you could change the last line slightly to 'Which way around would they be faced? (it rhymes and flows better)
Stanza 4 is a credit to you, I would've been pleased writing it.
Anyway as for not fully comprehending your work - worry not - as someone wise recently said on this site their is a certain magic, allurement to writing from the heart as it shows the characted of the poet as well as its subjects or subject. The last stanza is almost a poem on its own and the last stanza flows like wine at the last supper.
I have some suggestions for S2, they were merely reactionary thoughts after i had read yours.
She stands alone like one of stone
Buried deep in HALLOWED ground,
ASLEEP, FROM PRYING SOULS THAT GAZE THROUGH MORTAL WINDOWS,
UNDER THE WINGS OF THE CRYSTAL ANGEL,
SHE IS THE SOUND OF ITS WINGS,
FREE, FROM THE CONFINES OF DAY, OF NIGHT,
DESTINED TO BE SUNSHINE AND THE GLIMMER OF MOONLIGHT.
The lilting rain brings no more pain
To ears bereft of sound
Her wings caress AN abandoned nest
Caring for them 'till they're found,
And when, unchained,
LOVE CORONATES HER,
AND SHE IS ORDAINED, SHE IS FOUND
AND THE STANGLING VINES OF TIME have unwound.
(my version is in bold)
its hard to do this in this box.
anyway have an 8, its very good.
Do you have a group? I'm currently writing a string section to one of my group's songs, hopefully people will take notice of it.
Thanks for the comments everybody! Merry Christmas!
I never have met a fuckup quite like you, you're very original.
Whose timeless eyes of long-lost years
will watch and wait and show
But her day to be praised came centuries ago
....
2nd stanza could be really good with some work. The rythm is just a minute twitch off.
........
stanza 3: I had to giggle at...witty thought.
....
stanza 4 the rythm is good...the last line didn't work for me, though. seemed cheesy.
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