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Frozen Angel (Lyric) by Ranger Hear the shadows falling from deep beneath the well
Flick and shine from off of the crystal-domed angel
Whose timeless eyes of long-lost years will watch and wait and show
But her day to be praised came centuries ago
She stands alone like one of stone
Buried deep in shallow ground
The lilting rain brings no more pain
To ears bereft of sound
Her wings caress abandoned nests
Caring for them 'till they're found
And when, unchained, she's loved again
Time's threads will have unwound
There are those who think a heart-shaped hole
Directs you to a ripped-out soul
But if the heart should be replaced
Which way around would they now face?
Although she grieves she still believes
In one more power-to-be
But wily Fate did therefore state
She nevermore would see
And then did find that Love is blind
Despite His cruel decree
Her sole weak trait then calmed His hate
And shone on you and me
Up the ladder:
Dear Dad
Down the ladder:
Leaving Home
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.975
Posted: December 18, 2002 5:33 AM PST; Last modified: December 18, 2002 5:33 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.9749556 Overall Rank: 1332 Comments:
This is your best rangerman and yogi likes it.
On stanza 3 you could change the last line slightly to 'Which way around would they be faced? (it rhymes and flows better) Stanza 4 is a credit to you, I would've been pleased writing it. Anyway as for not fully comprehending your work - worry not - as someone wise recently said on this site their is a certain magic, allurement to writing from the heart as it shows the characted of the poet as well as its subjects or subject. The last stanza is almost a poem on its own and the last stanza flows like wine at the last supper. I have some suggestions for S2, they were merely reactionary thoughts after i had read yours. She stands alone like one of stone Buried deep in HALLOWED ground, ASLEEP, FROM PRYING SOULS THAT GAZE THROUGH MORTAL WINDOWS, UNDER THE WINGS OF THE CRYSTAL ANGEL, SHE IS THE SOUND OF ITS WINGS, FREE, FROM THE CONFINES OF DAY, OF NIGHT, DESTINED TO BE SUNSHINE AND THE GLIMMER OF MOONLIGHT. The lilting rain brings no more pain To ears bereft of sound Her wings caress AN abandoned nest Caring for them 'till they're found, And when, unchained, LOVE CORONATES HER, AND SHE IS ORDAINED, SHE IS FOUND AND THE STANGLING VINES OF TIME have unwound. (my version is in bold) its hard to do this in this box. anyway have an 8, its very good.
By the way I took your advice and wrote something happy its called 'Sawn off shotgun'
Soo-bloody-perb! Cheers for the advice! Do you mind if I write another version of this with your ideas in? I like both sets, and it would be cool to have both on here? Thanks once again!
By the way, can't wait to see your new one, it sounds good!
its grrreat but to be honnest the ending wasnt as good as the main body but even so worth everysingle point of the ten it got
This is beautiful, ahead of your years ranger 8
this comment isn't about your poem, which is pretty good, but about your profile. I play guitar and cello too. So yeah. I thought that was special.
Outstanding! How long have you played cello for? I've been going about nine years (and I'm still crap!) It's the most beautiful instrument in the world as far as I'm concerned-well, with the possible exception of the harp.
Do you have a group? I'm currently writing a string section to one of my group's songs, hopefully people will take notice of it. Thanks for the comments everybody! Merry Christmas!
I wrote serpent of my bliss based on this (behold a short poem in telling you)
I'm Ranger and I'm into poetry and art!!!!! ZERO. STANDING ON YOUR NECK PISSING INTO YOUR NOSTRILS.a
That's an unusual position, I never heard of it before. You were about to say something else at the end of your comment-a what?
I never have met a fuckup quite like you, you're very original.
You're one of the few people who appreciate my genius / generous soul. 10.
i like this one best. who is bobjim btw? do we know him at college?
We do indeed, I'll tell you later. Thanks for your comments!
Beautiful poem. :)
I think this is great
Favorite places:
Whose timeless eyes of long-lost years will watch and wait and show But her day to be praised came centuries ago .... 2nd stanza could be really good with some work. The rythm is just a minute twitch off. ........ stanza 3: I had to giggle at...witty thought. .... stanza 4 the rythm is good...the last line didn't work for me, though. seemed cheesy.
You could make a song with these lyrics...
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I considered not putting this on here until I'd improved it, but it occurred to me that I'm not a poet (no shit!) and that maybe the people on this site might help me with it, cause I really think it's ok. I especially feel pleased with the middle four lines of the last verse-I don't know where on earth they came from!
As for your guess, you are almost right. It???s actually a very obscure metaphor for me, in a strange sense (i.e. I???m not female, nor would I ever consider myself an angel). You are kind of right, though. It is drawn from a love I never had-but I would never curse her-we???re still great friends. It's really just the stupid period that all teenagers go through, but I figured that even if how I feel isn't important to the rest of the world, it's still important to me.
My friend Dani here just said that I could make a really good writer or poet if I tried! That was very complementary!
Anyway, thank you again for your time, I've got to go and get the bus or I'll be stuck in college miles from home!