Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

Split Me (Free verse) by Sunny
I release the top of it first. The carrot's cap topples onto the cutting board. Free not to be whole, I dissemble its rigid orange cone; it feels raw when the air hits it's new wet cuts. My daughter brings me a dandelion from the field and then blows hard on it: its soft white parts dispel from the core, beautiful for the first time. They are manna with their bowed backs to my breath - they push out crazy, undone of their clusters. They are too swept in the breeze for my eyes now, but now I feel a pang as I watch my chest bone rip in a clean slit. No mess, no gore drips onto the floor, but a gentle lesion irrupting unplumbed to see thriving viscera. I need an opening, I need a porta that relinquishes out of this body. Bereavement flutters from this cut into the sky's open fatness like pained bees, carrying the salt from my eye on their backs and fever from my fiber.

Down the ladder: Devil's Palm

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 20
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Weighted score: 5.0476813
Overall Rank: 6883
Posted: May 22, 2006 4:36 PM PDT; Last modified: May 22, 2006 4:36 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[7] wilco @ 24.92.74.122 | 22-May-06/8:55 PM | Reply
soooo, you're cutting the carrot...and while you're distracted by the flowers, the carrot takes it's revenge and starts cutting you!? I don't think that's what you were going for, but that's the first image I got and I think that's super.
[4] LilMsLadyPoet @ 64.12.116.14 | 23-May-06/9:53 AM | Reply
I'm lost...I couldn't wrap my brain around where you were going with this! There were some good lines, and imagery, though.
[7] Dovina @ 17.255.240.6 | 23-May-06/11:06 AM | Reply
If this is about open-chest surgery, it's very dramatic. But I have a problem with the patient knowing what is taking place while under anaesthesia.
[n/a] Ranger @ 62.252.32.15 | 7-Jun-06/5:10 AM | Reply
Hey Sunny, as promised I'm still reading through a couple of your poems although my brain isn't tuned in at the moment. I can see something behind this poem but at the moment it's blurry. I have been pretty tired recently (lots of football etc.) so bear with me. As usual the lines are great to read and well structured. As a general point though, I'd be wary of using words such as 'irrupting' - uncommon words which closely resemble much more widely-used ones. It's just that if the reader doesn't have as wide a vocabulary as you (as is the case with most of us) they're going to be prone to assuming you've made a mistake. I've read enough of your poems to know that you don't make such errors, but a reader who doesn't have instant access to references (i.e. dictionary.com) may be put off unjustly.

Well, that's it for now...I hope I start thinking properly again soon.
[9] lmp @ 141.154.134.3 | 9-Jun-06/2:03 PM | Reply
i believe this is about grief... and they way a simple image that distracts you from the humdrum of everyday life will allow the carefully maintained and taut facade of composure to crumble... about the relief of grieving, the release of the pain and anguish.

i would guess (from the impression of the dandelion "manna") that the loss was a child dying or maybe only departing home, off to create their own life beyond your ability to control. you only have faith that they will succeed or will rest in peace.

poignant. well written. excellently composed. great transitions. 9.
173 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001