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Descendent (Free verse) by MacFrantic Great gothic goddess birthed me.
I am living terror, see.
My gnashing quarrel bloodies the streets.
I find joy in manic feats.
For whatever end that fits my rage
Hellspawn I engage.
Eyes are those blackened eyes exchanged.
These mouths, strange.
Whatever damning, faraway curse I endure.
Comes in sunlight's pure.
Willing me to spell fate is my undoing
A catastrophe brewing.
I'll be sent oh so rapidly beneath.
I'll cut my teeth.
Awaiting the eternity of future sorrow.
Apocalypse on the morrow.
Up the ladder:
Endless Loop Of Dot Dot
Down the ladder:
She Dreams of Yesterday
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.0
Posted: May 21, 2006 11:39 PM PDT; Last modified: May 21, 2006 11:39 PM PDTWeighted score: 5.0 Overall Rank: 7612 Comments:
[7]
wilco @ 24.92.74.122
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22-May-06/8:26 PM
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Reply
Damn, that's a lot of rhyming...I hate that, but I guess I like it well enough for the words themselves.
The periods/punctuation needs work. (need one after endure?)etc.
You get spurts of rythm going, then lose it. drop 'the' @ streets...that line's a tongue twister. willing me to spell...?to cast spells?, and fate is my undoing? is that what is meant there? all as one sentence it doesn't make sense. I can see this written on a subway wall somewhere...
Do you by any chance mean "descendant" ???
The poem's not much good either.
"descendent" has double meaning. It signifies movement downward as well as the relation to ancestors. "descendant" only relates to ancestry.
Also, I was just very lazy with the punctuation. I don't even know why I bothered. I'm glad you were displeased by the quality of this poem. It wasn't written to your liking (thank god).
If it's any consolation, I got the play in the title. I'd have preferred it if the second line in every couplet hadn't been so brief - very jarring as it is, and line 2 - 'see' was far too colloquial for the child of a goddess. Still, it has an immensely apocalyptic feel to it.
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