Replying to a comment on:

Descendent (Free verse) by MacFrantic

Great gothic goddess birthed me. I am living terror, see. My gnashing quarrel bloodies the streets. I find joy in manic feats. For whatever end that fits my rage Hellspawn I engage. Eyes are those blackened eyes exchanged. These mouths, strange. Whatever damning, faraway curse I endure. Comes in sunlight's pure. Willing me to spell fate is my undoing A catastrophe brewing. I'll be sent oh so rapidly beneath. I'll cut my teeth. Awaiting the eternity of future sorrow. Apocalypse on the morrow.

LilMsLadyPoet 24-May-06/4:51 PM
The periods/punctuation needs work. (need one after endure?)etc.
You get spurts of rythm going, then lose it.
drop 'the' @ streets...that line's a tongue twister.
willing me to spell...?to cast spells?, and fate is my undoing? is that what is meant there? all as one sentence it doesn't make sense. I can see this written on a subway wall somewhere...




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001