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Then what is the sleeve?

Member since 2004 · Posted 30 Jul 2005 · 6 comments

He keeps rain laden guilt on the subway tilt And that's no way to treat a gefilt- e Fish Blue Fish Run to the sleeve: Can it be done? Running to something that now is undone (From the rest of the shirt)? Recommended allegory for "shirt": Life. Leif. Erikson. Discovered the wonders of Bears and Sin (North American) Let the 42 degree-colored bow made through rain point the way To the gold pot of Cain- The flesh-covered oven hovered as I sat And watched as they pried the g from the front of the gnat I'm hot Listen to the cable cars drop One by one from the top of the Rock- A nickname for the now defunct prison Alcatraz.* *You really ought to have already known this.

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3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

6 comments

[2] LilMsLadyPoet 31-Jul-05/6:47 AM Reply

Sorry...this thought was Far too free for me...so disconnected...too disconnected to make sense out of.
My favorite line was>
"The flesh-covered oven hovered as I sat
And watched as they pried the g from the front of the gnat"
Although I wouldn't have used AS two times, and perhaps would have shortened the line with a word change here or there.

[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp › LilMsLadyPoet 31-Jul-05/8:36 AM Reply

Thanks for the advice. I do try to keep my poems as concrete as possible nowadays, having been brow beaten by some of the most tangible poets (or, I should say poets of some of the most tangible poems, although the men themselves were also quite corporeal), I have been relegated to write with the most concrete, or as you would say, undisconnected formulation as I possibly can achieve without the advocacy of reality-anchoring drugs. You should have seen some of my earlier work: barely a word of English ever even appeared, and one of my poems included an actual (and quite foul smelling, I might add) corpse of a deceased armadillo. If I remember correctly, it was immediately follwed by a semicolon in that particular poem.

[2] LilMsLadyPoet › T. Jonathron Remp 31-Jul-05/9:50 PM Reply

Most amused...I give your reply a 9! (and how can you write with such eloquence, as this comment shows, and yet I find no hint of such within your posted poem?!) I think I will make a point of investigating your other stuff, snooping in the far corners, so to speak...surely you've something to say, somewhere. I expect to be pleasantly suprised...

[n/a] zodiac › T. Jonathron Remp 1-Aug-05/10:28 PM Reply

In poetry, "concrete" means the poem is in the shape of something. Do you mean to suggest this poem is shaped like a sleeve?

[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp › zodiac 2-Aug-05/1:45 PM Reply

I not only suggest it, I impose it.

[2] LilMsLadyPoet › T. Jonathron Remp 27-Aug-07/10:46 AM Reply

;)