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A Perfectly Normal Man (Free verse) by Dovina He speaks to me two languagesâ
audible affection, and
mute tempestuous desire.
He respects me as two peopleâ
moral woman, and
capable lover.
He sees me with double visionâ
close friend, and
a warm set of hips.
He touches me with mixed sensationsâ
brotherly kindness, and
hungry lust.
Heâs enamored and frustratedâ
happy and unhappy,
respecting and wanting.
Heâs made that wayâ
I adore his kindness,
admire his restraint.
Up the ladder:
A young Manâs Demise
Down the ladder:
Sunday Legs
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 6.6666665
Posted: September 29, 2006 11:34 AM PDT; Last modified: September 29, 2006 11:34 AM PDTWeighted score: 5.4482355 Overall Rank: 2953 Comments:
[10]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
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30-Sep-06/6:10 AM
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Brilliant. Millions of chaps who are lucky/unlucky enough to fall under the 'nice guy' category (I'm still not decided on whether it's a blessing or a curse) will nod sagely upon reading this. I love the perspective you tell this from, too - her side of the story...yet at the end of the day, really giving no emotions away. This gets a ten, and deserves it.
[7]
nypoet22 @ 65.2.216.112
> Ranger
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30-Sep-06/7:28 AM
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i wasn't quite so enamored of this poem, mainly because i think it tells a little more than it shows. there's no picture in my mind of the people or personalities involved, just amorphous blobs with the feelings described. just my own preference, but i'd like to feel the shape of the hips, the tension of the conversation, the lust when eye meets eye.
[10]
Ranger @ 62.252.32.15
> nypoet22
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1-Oct-06/1:24 PM
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The thing is, this is a very 'general' poem. It's the classic 'nice guy' syndrome, only from the perspective of a woman - I just feel that if it were made more specific, it would lose some of its ability to connect with me as a reader. As it stands, it's one of those poems that gets a 'I hear ya!' response from me, whereas if the protagonist was talking about a short, blonde dude then I wouldn't connect with it as such. Usually I'm all for image overload, but occasionally I like to do the colouring in myself.
[n/a]
Dovina @ 17.255.240.138
> nypoet22
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1-Oct-06/3:19 PM
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I appreciate these two diverse views - yours and Ranger's. Both are good. I think thaqt it verges on showing, not telling, by virtue of a woman giving her impression of a man's thinking. Thanks for commenting.
This is very nice. Well thought out and very lyrical. And even though it has a tenderness to it, you've managed to NOT get overly personal and self-indulgent. It has a nice, professional detachment to to it. Great work!
Believe me, I am not detached and not professional, but thanks for the comment. Women do not always appreciate the sides of men's affections that can be just as tender as the ones we do appreciate.
So I take it all the lust you spoke of in the beginning lines, that he is feeling, has been denied? Then how can he respect you as 'a capable lover'...or are you not, with him, but he knows you are?...how?? The ending lines threw me. And this seems like a detatched person commenting...which seemed kinda creepy and manipulative...but that's just my feeling after reading it. Not sure what you meant with it...maybe just that.
It's good to hear another woman's take on it. I might try to clear up the "detachment" you see, because it is not intended. I mean it in an affectionate way. Thanks for commenting.
You don't have to be someone's lover to know, or at least be pretty certain, that they're capable. Personally I don't see any detachment in it - could be that mine's the 'bloke' view, I guess. If anything, it's almost coy - we get to the end expecting some sort of conclusion or making up of the mind (will she? won't she?) but once the narrator's smiled sweetly and gone we realise that we haven't been given anything at all.
But you could be if you keep talking that way.
Ooh, tempting...
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