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Roundabout (Free verse) by nentwined
mad clown carnival ride dissonance chants through a pipe organ and we hear time uncounted that same note hit that same note hit and we smell the burning of our consciousness dribbling into a hole that leads nowhere. a sense of impending crash as the last of us falls through and silence hits us like a wall the puddle starts to reform disoriented centering again in itself when we realise the music came back mad clown carnival ride screaming unintelligible heard but not felt warming our body and pushing the mind into a sweet novocaine daze time uncounted that same dull scream that same dull scream dissonance chants through a pipe organ and we smell the burning of our consciousnness dribbling into a hole that leads everywhere.

Up the ladder: Rumors
Down the ladder: The Rift

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 134
.. 02
.. 34
.. 16
.. 116
.. 14
.. 02
.. 02
.. 10
.. 01
.. 20

Arithmetic Mean: 6.9365077
Weighted score: 6.9365077
Overall Rank: 181
Posted: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST; Last modified: March 16, 2002 1:19 AM PST
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Comments:
[7] -=SeTTle=- @ 63.214.96.187 | 16-Jul-02/10:14 PM | Reply
Does your log coordinate IPs/traceroute info with ranking information?
[n/a] nentwined @ | 21-Jul-02/2:01 AM | Reply
the log does. though I don't do anything with it but manually. pain in the fucking ass. :) I try to clear obvious ballot stuffings every so often...
[8] LilMsLadyPoet @ 152.163.100.135 | 11-Jul-05/7:44 AM | Reply
No capitalization, no sentence structure...so why use periods?! I would drop them. Use puncutaion throughout, or don't use it at all...
Dissonance? as in:> the opposite of harmony, discord, disagreement, conflict, difference, or difference of opinion? (Is that the word you intended to use?...Just wondering.)
The only glaring change I would make would be to put "warming our body" together in one line, then "and pushing the mind into" in the next line.(maybe even drop the "and") (As it is, seems like a typo, and put together it has more 'punch'.)
here>
"warming our
body and pushing the mind into"
...and shouldn't it be bodies, since you are talking about a group...but maybe not perhaps, if you are collectively calling the group a body.
Interesting poem...I like it, gave you a fairly high score for it, based on its content and imagery,though it has a few flaws.
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