Re: Helpless by _iamtwilight_	22-Feb-04/5:23 AM
So many articles and pronouns, so little space ... This thing almost takes off, but then it's gets hobbled by so many "the"s and "our"s and "we"s -- let it go free my blue-eyed tattooed lass - Pour acid apon it and see the weak words run away; the stong will survive. let it free.
Re: The Winturd Tale of Sir Donald Nudesby by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	21-Feb-04/7:04 PM
Made a visit to a note from god today, did ya? "winturd night" is awesomely coined. This one rocks (dude).
Re: The Motherfuckers and The Mystery of Life by Jeremi B. Handrinos	21-Feb-04/6:24 PM
yep. Thats a tinkertoy for the mind; was a fun one.
Re: Seven Sins for Seven Men (Part 1) by wilco	19-Feb-04/7:42 PM
Why did the god kill this man? For his pride perhaps. Did he not think the man would learn the futility of his ways? Was he jealous - is it a jealous god? Who was the lone man? It is the first man who realizes he has no one to save him?
Re: Rinse by somemorepoetry	19-Feb-04/7:36 PM
Not as bad, I think, as the scores you have thus far. I will total them and add one for good luck. eight.
Re: Enlightenment by Lifeboatman	19-Feb-04/7:35 PM
hey - its not bad at all. are you trying to loose the wings?
Re: Quest! by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?	19-Feb-04/7:30 PM
That last quatrain almost sounds like another language. "Qu'est nest breastvest" Well crafted; a NINE shall you have. and do this: My inner pain shall forever my burden be.
Re: Poe ét tri by Blue Magpie	18-Feb-04/8:23 PM
I was really hoping this would go someplace other than back to the beginning. It shows some promise - I suggest you try and wrap it up somehow. As it sits, its a seven in my mind, tops. could easily be more.
Re: Nature by dreamsdiefirst	18-Feb-04/8:18 PM
it is uplifting.
Re: The Angry Bush by wilco	18-Feb-04/8:18 PM
I like the thinking behind this.
Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa	17-Feb-04/7:58 PM
For making me work -10-
Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa	17-Feb-04/7:56 PM
You make me work so hard with your poetry. I understand dandelions and litter (putting a flowerpot over them for extended cultivation). and I can *almost* see your connections with the measure, the clock, the stepping; these incremental units. They are, supposedly, linked somehow. You say "spriritual vs mathematic" - have you been reading Spinoza before bedtime again??? Maybe some Tipler?
Re: Your Beauty by Birdman42s	17-Feb-04/7:30 PM
I very much like the last stanza - the rest, though nicely said, doesn't say too much that is original. Almost ironically demeaning it its mundaneness; near satire (would be a more interesting piece from that angle, would it not?) Btw - have you studied the word "pretty"? It really is noteworthy.
Re: Respiration for a Lack of Dizzyness by fevriere	17-Feb-04/6:30 PM
eeenteresting...
Re: a comment on Insomnia by dreamsdiefirst	17-Feb-04/11:46 AM
ach - don't misunderstand me, please. no rhyming - and 5-7-5 is purely up to you. There is a long history of haiku that is worth researching, suffice to say, what most folks post as "haiku" - aint.
Re: a comment on Insomnia by dreamsdiefirst	16-Feb-04/7:10 PM
Thank you - now I know who basil brush is!
Re: a comment on Insomnia by dreamsdiefirst	16-Feb-04/6:37 AM
Well, that is a pickle. Probably the best way is to simply write alot and get feedback. A dictionary will help, of course - www.dictionary.com, but even with that, some folks parse the syllable count differently anyway. ). Having a feel for how one word is pronounced it might be useful to see what words rhyme with it, so another good resource for you might be www.rhymezone.com (but don't rely on it!). rather than counting syllables in your [haiku] strive for an economy of words - each having a purpose leading up to the final, cutting, word. the articles (the, this), while helping your syllable count, don't add value toward the meaning. oh - and haiku, in english anyway (if such a thing exists), don't usually rhyme. Not that I'm not a fan of those who walk a different path. Maybe something other than an endryhme - *insomnia* Sleep, a distant farm crops of roosters fully ripe flee before my sheep.
Re: a comment on The birdboy that was (Icarus) by Y2kSlamPoet	15-Feb-04/6:10 PM
crwncka1? I didn't think that last bit was too badly made... It's a very dense prosaic style, but I can appreciate the use of language in it. I wouldn't call it pretty, but certainly not an attemp at trickery. That's what this poem is about then, about another poemranker poet? Yeah, about that... how's that whole "wounded schoolboy" thing workin for ya? You have some good perspectives, why waste it on stuff like this?
Re: First Shot by lastobelus	15-Feb-04/5:55 PM
"as calm as shock"
Re: The Prophetical Eye of Dreams by Don-Quixote	15-Feb-04/5:52 PM
Very sexual. Freud would have a nice time with this. the language is good, but I think "initiated" is better toned down as "started". The rest works, imho.