on beef flavored ramen by ThePariahDog
27 Feb 2004, 7:53 PM
good observations, well put.
on Life by NobodysSon
27 Feb 2004, 7:50 PM
I'm thinking this works, but I almost got tripped up about 2/3rds way in; maybe could be trimmed a bit?
I really wish it was something beside the word LIFE at the end.
I really wish it was something beside the word LIFE at the end.
on The Worst First by MacFrantic
27 Feb 2004, 7:45 PM
Sorry, but it just seems like a rhyming exercise; I think most of us here, yourself included, could probably do one of these every 12 minutes.
on Lifes work by richa
27 Feb 2004, 7:43 PM
that last bit - it's visual to be sure, but think I liked the other version?
The squirrel completely freezes the ability for me to look around and consider the setting for me, and that image is what I'm left with. If that was the intent then kudos, but its quite a departure from the previous version.
The squirrel completely freezes the ability for me to look around and consider the setting for me, and that image is what I'm left with. If that was the intent then kudos, but its quite a departure from the previous version.
on The Unholiest Sonnet Ever by horus8
27 Feb 2004, 7:07 PM
where is the unholy part?
Moves along purty well.
Moves along purty well.
on Dream of a Vanilla Sky by smlink84
27 Feb 2004, 4:24 AM
Quick note - you don't need to put the title in the body as well.
on Good King Brownceslas by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
25 Feb 2004, 10:05 AM
Thank you for including the link to the tune - I was struggling to amermer it.
crap - the link is too busy; will try later.
Christmas is forever improved.
crap - the link is too busy; will try later.
Christmas is forever improved.
on Thoughts in a cloud above the Catskills by Enkidu
24 Feb 2004, 7:53 AM
Flows quite well in an older-world way.
on Homecoming by somemorepoetry
23 Feb 2004, 6:37 PM
somemorecommas or something in stanza three would be nice - it kindof just keeps going.
I feel like there is something deep here, and I like it, but the flow is distracting me.
I feel like there is something deep here, and I like it, but the flow is distracting me.
on the wind's last crescendo by fair12
23 Feb 2004, 6:35 PM
Verry sweeet. Touching without a trace of sappiness - surprised myself at the reaction.
well done.
I'm going to suggest, despite my liking it very much, that you replace "summer" with something more specific (either a particular day or a month). My immediate reaction was "overused word" - but you quickly pulled me into the body to forget.
well done.
I'm going to suggest, despite my liking it very much, that you replace "summer" with something more specific (either a particular day or a month). My immediate reaction was "overused word" - but you quickly pulled me into the body to forget.
on A Natural Witch by Lenore
23 Feb 2004, 6:32 PM
I'd rather some examples than a list of options. From this information could could make a good poem.
Some weaknesses would add interest (otherwise the reader becomes jealous and spiteful).
Some weaknesses would add interest (otherwise the reader becomes jealous and spiteful).
on Nude Reclining by cleverdevice
23 Feb 2004, 6:29 PM
second to last stanza is what yer shootin fer - the rest leaves me nothing to imagine.
on The Niche by Fear of Garbage
23 Feb 2004, 6:25 PM
something with less finality at the end I think would do wonders for this. Something more poignant.
I like the use of repetition.
I like the use of repetition.
on She was supposedly yours... as was I by Katzclear
23 Feb 2004, 5:06 PM
cute
on Everyone's choosing sides by zodiac
22 Feb 2004, 6:49 PM
Sides? Who's choosing??
Cat Fight!!
Some good language in this.
Cat Fight!!
Some good language in this.
replying on Helpless by _iamtwilight_
22 Feb 2004, 6:30 PM
Yes, and - agreed.
on The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar
22 Feb 2004, 6:04 AM
Well, I wouldn't go as far to say it is CLSish for two reasons, one - you actually say something here that is between the lines, two - I've read some of your other stuff and I know you are not of her ilk (but I can see how richa think so). Yours is more of a soldiers perspective, where her's is more of a - child.
So, this one: a few line breaks and line spacings would help quite a bit, imho. I suppose you stuck the lone period in there and ommitted any other punctuation for a reason - not feeling it. The string of capitals feels anagramatic... which would be interesting.
I like "They did not invite me", btw.
So, this one: a few line breaks and line spacings would help quite a bit, imho. I suppose you stuck the lone period in there and ommitted any other punctuation for a reason - not feeling it. The string of capitals feels anagramatic... which would be interesting.
I like "They did not invite me", btw.
on Peeping Sun by dreamsdiefirst
22 Feb 2004, 5:46 AM
LoL - I saw the title and a first thought it said
"Peeing Sun", then had a little adolescent laugh, opened the poem - and saw "snow".
Yeah, I need to grow up.
Ahem, okay. I like the peeping tom angle.
I will write you an... hmmm... theres the top circle... now,
left side... around the top: the bottom circle -
a bright vitamin enhanced "8".
I see richa has added a haiku too - I will add to yours then in the renga tradition:
Blanket of the snow,
covers earths naked beauty
from the peeping sun.
white satin coolness adorns,
hillsides of crocus asleep.
Sunshine's fingertips
reach from afar but dare not -
hides behind mountains.
"Peeing Sun", then had a little adolescent laugh, opened the poem - and saw "snow".
Yeah, I need to grow up.
Ahem, okay. I like the peeping tom angle.
I will write you an... hmmm... theres the top circle... now,
left side... around the top: the bottom circle -
a bright vitamin enhanced "8".
I see richa has added a haiku too - I will add to yours then in the renga tradition:
Blanket of the snow,
covers earths naked beauty
from the peeping sun.
white satin coolness adorns,
hillsides of crocus asleep.
Sunshine's fingertips
reach from afar but dare not -
hides behind mountains.