Re: beef flavored ramen by ThePariahDog	27-Feb-04/7:53 PM
good observations, well put.
Re: Life by NobodysSon	27-Feb-04/7:50 PM
I'm thinking this works, but I almost got tripped up about 2/3rds way in; maybe could be trimmed a bit? I really wish it was something beside the word LIFE at the end.
Re: Two words by bondjedi	27-Feb-04/7:48 PM
okay, I'll buy it.
Re: The Worst First by MacFrantic	27-Feb-04/7:45 PM
Sorry, but it just seems like a rhyming exercise; I think most of us here, yourself included, could probably do one of these every 12 minutes.
Re: Lifes work by richa	27-Feb-04/7:43 PM
that last bit - it's visual to be sure, but think I liked the other version? The squirrel completely freezes the ability for me to look around and consider the setting for me, and that image is what I'm left with. If that was the intent then kudos, but its quite a departure from the previous version.
Re: The Unholiest Sonnet Ever by horus8	27-Feb-04/7:07 PM
where is the unholy part? Moves along purty well.
Re: Dream of a Vanilla Sky by smlink84	27-Feb-04/4:24 AM
Quick note - you don't need to put the title in the body as well.
Re: Good King Brownceslas by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	25-Feb-04/10:05 AM
Thank you for including the link to the tune - I was struggling to amermer it. crap - the link is too busy; will try later. Christmas is forever improved.
Re: Thoughts in a cloud above the Catskills by Enkidu	24-Feb-04/7:53 AM
Flows quite well in an older-world way.
Re: Homecoming by somemorepoetry	23-Feb-04/6:37 PM
somemorecommas or something in stanza three would be nice - it kindof just keeps going. I feel like there is something deep here, and I like it, but the flow is distracting me.
Re: the wind's last crescendo by fair12	23-Feb-04/6:35 PM
Verry sweeet. Touching without a trace of sappiness - surprised myself at the reaction. well done. I'm going to suggest, despite my liking it very much, that you replace "summer" with something more specific (either a particular day or a month). My immediate reaction was "overused word" - but you quickly pulled me into the body to forget.
Re: A Natural Witch by Lenore	23-Feb-04/6:32 PM
I'd rather some examples than a list of options. From this information could could make a good poem. Some weaknesses would add interest (otherwise the reader becomes jealous and spiteful).
Re: Nude Reclining by cleverdevice	23-Feb-04/6:29 PM
second to last stanza is what yer shootin fer - the rest leaves me nothing to imagine.
Re: Tomorrow by phbiscuit	23-Feb-04/6:27 PM
"We float, With gentle exhaust, Allowing us to relax. Relieved " sounds somehow biological. I like the aliteration.
Re: The Niche by Fear of Garbage	23-Feb-04/6:25 PM
something with less finality at the end I think would do wonders for this. Something more poignant. I like the use of repetition.
Re: She was supposedly yours... as was I by Katzclear	23-Feb-04/5:06 PM
cute
Re: Everyone's choosing sides by zodiac	22-Feb-04/6:49 PM
Sides? Who's choosing?? Cat Fight!! Some good language in this.
Re: a comment on Helpless by _iamtwilight_	22-Feb-04/6:30 PM
Yes, and - agreed.
Re: The Commanding Disobedince of Words by daggatolar	22-Feb-04/6:04 AM
Well, I wouldn't go as far to say it is CLSish for two reasons, one - you actually say something here that is between the lines, two - I've read some of your other stuff and I know you are not of her ilk (but I can see how richa think so). Yours is more of a soldiers perspective, where her's is more of a - child. So, this one: a few line breaks and line spacings would help quite a bit, imho. I suppose you stuck the lone period in there and ommitted any other punctuation for a reason - not feeling it. The string of capitals feels anagramatic... which would be interesting. I like "They did not invite me", btw.
Re: Peeping Sun by dreamsdiefirst	22-Feb-04/5:46 AM
LoL - I saw the title and a first thought it said "Peeing Sun", then had a little adolescent laugh, opened the poem - and saw "snow". Yeah, I need to grow up. Ahem, okay. I like the peeping tom angle. I will write you an... hmmm... theres the top circle... now, left side... around the top: the bottom circle - a bright vitamin enhanced "8". I see richa has added a haiku too - I will add to yours then in the renga tradition: Blanket of the snow, covers earths naked beauty from the peeping sun. white satin coolness adorns, hillsides of crocus asleep. Sunshine's fingertips reach from afar but dare not - hides behind mountains.