on Metametahaiku by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
7 Mar 2004, 6:32 PM
Apparently.
on Woman in the purple cotton jacket(repaired) by INTRANSIT
7 Mar 2004, 7:41 AM
I'm fine up to "I wretched", and you throwing a pineapple slice - that's just sad, IT.
The reader ends up feeling more pity for the author. I'm fine with the prosthetic wielding lady, that is at least an interesting vignette.
The reader ends up feeling more pity for the author. I'm fine with the prosthetic wielding lady, that is at least an interesting vignette.
on I could rule myself by fevriere
7 Mar 2004, 7:36 AM
very nice: "My touch is toxic and abundant", and I like much of the other descriptions, too.
The lack of enjambment... I don't think it does much for you in this case.
And I agree with half of what Zodiac says, and I'm fine with "ouverture"
The lack of enjambment... I don't think it does much for you in this case.
And I agree with half of what Zodiac says, and I'm fine with "ouverture"
replying on Early Morning by fevriere
3 Mar 2004, 10:22 AM
[slaps forehead] oh yeah.
replying on Early Morning by fevriere
2 Mar 2004, 6:11 PM
Roger that(than-Q) - btw, I like that whole phonetic spelling thing - gonna use that someplace (hey, when a guy writes a poem a day he can get pretty desperate - its actually not a terrible idea. I wonder if it's been done? Musta been).
on Pop the Pill by etherealmaiden
2 Mar 2004, 6:07 PM
Was liking it until "My reality's blurred " then it lost its charm.
on where to go by AskittlesK
2 Mar 2004, 6:06 PM
Immediately turned off by seein "Purple" and "hazey" together - but I'll keep reading...
hmmm. I like the last two lines - but I still don't know what it was about.
hmmm. I like the last two lines - but I still don't know what it was about.
on I Remember Thinking by BrandonW
2 Mar 2004, 6:04 PM
excellent (period, full fucking stop).
on Cutters Part II The Recut (Limerick Triplet) by Shardik
2 Mar 2004, 6:03 PM
"stepped upon a landmina." - okay, thats brilliant.
The rest, gradually less so - but still a -10- if ever I saw one.
The rest, gradually less so - but still a -10- if ever I saw one.
on Uncle Sam Is Dead by Lenore
2 Mar 2004, 6:02 PM
Gawd. That's long. I know, you get that alot.
replying on Early Morning by fevriere
2 Mar 2004, 5:59 PM
Yeah.. thanks for that...
on Early Morning by fevriere
2 Mar 2004, 10:57 AM
I like the accentuation of key words with the capitalization, and if you did that on purpose, then I'm fine, too, with the punctuation.
Though I know that some will be put off by it - hey this is not sculpting (despite the similarities); where we can't ignore the laws of physics and invent materials and have them hover over the piece blinking in and out from multiple dimensions - this is poetry. And we can very easily fuck with those "laws".
So, having said that I like the mechanics of it - I'm a bit put off by the first line, and therefore the rational for the rest.
I just don't believe this dumbing-down of god-like sensations to a human level (and this is from a guy who doesn't believe in god).
I think it's fixable by making it a lesser diety (stick an article in there), and maybe by shading the perspective a little (not sure exactly how to do that). I may be the only one bothered by it, dunno - it still could appeal to a broader audience.
extra points for style.
Though I know that some will be put off by it - hey this is not sculpting (despite the similarities); where we can't ignore the laws of physics and invent materials and have them hover over the piece blinking in and out from multiple dimensions - this is poetry. And we can very easily fuck with those "laws".
So, having said that I like the mechanics of it - I'm a bit put off by the first line, and therefore the rational for the rest.
I just don't believe this dumbing-down of god-like sensations to a human level (and this is from a guy who doesn't believe in god).
I think it's fixable by making it a lesser diety (stick an article in there), and maybe by shading the perspective a little (not sure exactly how to do that). I may be the only one bothered by it, dunno - it still could appeal to a broader audience.
extra points for style.
sod[s]?
I like the cadence of this very much - for me it's the subtle rhyme with talk/part, which was worth repeating.
But what is it with Tims and holes?
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
I like the cadence of this very much - for me it's the subtle rhyme with talk/part, which was worth repeating.
But what is it with Tims and holes?
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
on At The Edge of Sleep by GregDeEgg
29 Feb 2004, 5:38 PM
hey, not bad. not bad at all.
on terraza pizza by daniella
29 Feb 2004, 5:23 PM
You didn't like the kitten?? What was wrong with the cute kitty?
on The Ghost of Sarah Gyllenhall by wilco
29 Feb 2004, 10:11 AM
works for me.
on simply missing by daggatolar
28 Feb 2004, 4:09 PM
I really like this:
"Who is after me
My own me after me"
lots of originality here.
"Who is after me
My own me after me"
lots of originality here.
on Little Tounge by Figure 8
28 Feb 2004, 7:35 AM
rename it with someting to do with fire and you'll almost have something.
or a dragon. and add another stanza.
btw, "mouth" (as you spell it) should be "muthge"
or a dragon. and add another stanza.
btw, "mouth" (as you spell it) should be "muthge"