| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
Pop the Pill (Free verse) by etherealmaiden Headache, heartache
Heartache, headache
How can I make them dissolve?
Pop the pill
Pop one more
Pop one just for my heart
The drugs take effect
But the pain is still there
It just won't go away
So I pop the pill
Do it again
Take them just for fun
The headache stops
My vision clouds
But the hand keeps moving
Pop, pop, pop
I'm drowning in drugs
But the wound is still open
And the pills keep coming
Pop one
Pop another
Pop two at once
All feeling gone
But tears are falling
Pain pressed to the extreme
Pop three pills
Tip the bottle over
No more pills to pop
My reality's blurred
But not the pain
As the bottle tumbles down
Blackness
Up the ladder:
15 Minute poem
Down the ladder:
courtyard
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.6666665
Posted: March 2, 2004 5:41 PM PST; Last modified: March 2, 2004 5:41 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.179294 Overall Rank: 4848 Comments:
[7]
Shuushin @ 207.5.211.177
|
2-Mar-04/6:07 PM
|
Reply
Was liking it until "My reality's blurred " then it lost its charm.
I don't think you really pop pills. Sorry. Now I'm asking myself, how would a real pill addict write this poem differently? And I'm thinking, probably by not writing at all. Or by not writing a poem about pill-popping. So, there are all sorts of tricky issues you could put in this poem - touching on, among other things, the authenticity of the authorial voice, the general Barthian meta-ness of writing a poem in which the narrator - obviously not a pill-popper - pretends to be one without really expecting to be believed (and is, for that reason, more believable.) That would really be something. Or you could just write about your own life instead.
I didn't write this poem for others... it was just a way to release the guilt that was scrammbling in my head about something that i did to myself although it didn't reach this extreme. Sorry but your comment just made me mad because you don't know what my life is really like, but i'll accept that criticism. thanks for the input.
I just wanted to say that I just read your entire weblog, so now I know pretty well what your life is like, and I really feel bad about sounding so harsh before. But this poem still doesn't seem true. It seems like what someone who hasn't overdosed or been a pill addict imagines overdosing is like, etc, but it's completely not. Not even close. Nope.
"I didn't write this poem for others" is the second-most-commonly-said thing on this site after "bow'ls". It isn't true either. People who don't write poems for others leave their deeply personal poems in their own, closed spiral-bound notebooks and don't post them on public sites for comment. I'm not trying to break your balls, but saying that is a really easy way to bludgeon people repeatedly with amateurish poetry while not listening to any criticism. Trust me, there's way too much bludgeoning here. I sincerely hope you'll take some honest advice when it comes your way and try to improve your poetry, which is better than at least 50% of what's posted here. So, ADVICE #1: It's a really bad idea to have a link to your blog on your profile page. People will take... liberties with it. Tchuss.
By write it for myself i mean to get it out of my system not to keep it locker away although that's what i did with most of it until a few years ago. oh well...thanks for the compliment hidden in there though... i'll try not to bludgeon you too much more.
I think this is more about a feeling....wanting to take the drugs to kill the pain...not so much in actually doing it. Been there myself...I like it.
thank you... you get it.
201 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
